Excerpt (explicit).

"Do you mind if we stop for a minute?" he said on the way to my home. "Sandra thinks I've given up smoking, but I'm dying for a cigarette."

"Er, no...okay," I replied, surprised at the small pang of disappointment I felt with the realisation that he smoked. I didn't like smoking then and I still don't. I needn't have worried though, because he lit the cigarette, took one puff and threw it away.

"Perhaps I have given up, after all," he said, not attempting to start the car.

He'd parked in a quiet lay-by about equal distance between our homes. Being damp, my jeans felt uncomfortable and my hair was still soaking wet. I could feel the changed atmosphere, and knew too that he was trying to decide what to say. Incredibly, I let the silence stretch, probably because I was nervous, but also, intuitively feeling it best not to say anything.

"You've got a really nice figure. You looked lovely when you got out of the pool. Do you have a boyfriend?"

I stammered my thanks, as my face flushed with colour and warmth.

"No, I haven't got a boyfriend at the moment."

"Ah, so you used to have one?"

"Not really, no. Some of my friends are serious with boys, but I've been a bit of a swot." I smiled at him.

Suddenly he leaned over and kissed me on the mouth.

"I shouldn't have done that..." he said, instantly apologetic. He started the car and eased out of the lay-by. "Please don't say anything to anyone, it was silly of me, but you're so pretty I couldn't resist."

"It's okay," I gulped, struggling with the pleasure welling up inside me. "I won't tell anybody...it doesn't matter."

He dropped me off and drove away with a brief wave.

They went on holiday and when they returned, he started back at work so it was quite a while between his shocking but thrilling kiss and our next meeting.

Thursday 24^th August 1995

My birthday. I discovered masturbation.

I hadn't really bothered before, but Geoff had awakened something in me previously undiscovered. I masturbated at every opportunity; in the bath, in bed at night, in the morning, when I went to the loo. I masturbated all the time.

It was lucky that I was alone in the house the first time I brought myself to orgasm because I made such a racket. Seriously... I was amazed at the feelings flooding through me, and once I'd had one orgasm, I was hungry for more. I only used my fingers on my clitoris, I didn't try anything else and at the time I didn't need to. Sometimes, I played with myself so much and so often that I made my fanny sore. I rubbed it raw... Vowing to stop when my fanny started burning, but I liked coming too much to give it up.

By the time I saw him again, his children were back at school for the new term, so they didn't need me for daily sitting. I'd saved quite a lot of money by then and had fun with my friends spending some of it. I bought new clothes and makeup, which I hadn't really worn before and another bottle of the perfume Sandra had introduced me to. Always at the back of my mind were his face and the feelings that his kiss had awakened.

A married man. I didn't say a word to anyone. I kept my promise, not even telling Alice, my best friend. Knowing how important it was to stay quiet, I did.

 

 

Excerpt (tame).

Tuesday 1^st August 1995...

Sandra, 10 a.m., interview First job... I'm so excited... I hope she likes me... My handwriting has evolved since then. Thinking it was so cool at the time; I used to embellish the small letter 'i' with a little circle instead of a dot, and loop the tails of other letters. Reading the words I'd written and running my fingertips over the ink, the page indented, intent pressed home with each word. My mind grasped at the past, memories tumbled and settled, as I let my thoughts drift back to that first day.

I'm not proud of what happened but now it's done and there's no going back. The distance between the events that I'm going to describe and the time of writing seems enormous. The people affected have moved on with their lives, just as I have with mine.

When I was in my late teens, we moved to an affluent suburb, housing a mix of residents, including young couples in good careers, earning lots of money, many having two or more children. Some families employed a Nanny. A few had an Au Pair, but there were also those who only needed the services of a sitter when they went out together because one of them took on the daily childcare. Money wasn't an issue. My parents were generous, supplying most things I needed or wanted, but I thought it would be nice to have a little independence.

I saw our new location as the perfect opportunity to make some cash for myself while studying for my exams and a place at university. I offered my services in our neighbourhood as a sitter and put a notice in the window of the local newsagent.

I got my first enquiry just before the long summer holiday, and after my exams, so I didn't even have to worry about revising. I saw it as a promising start to my new enterprise, the couple in question didn't live far from our house. It turned out that they had a boy and a girl, requiring a sitter on a daily basis five days a week for most of the holiday, while the mother carried on with her job as the manager of a boutique. From my point of view, it was a wonderful opportunity, I wouldn't have to take on any additional evening work; the one position would be enough for me. The woman didn't bother with a formal interview because she already knew my mother. So I went around to meet her and the kids one day at the weekend, although I didn't meet him, she asked me to start on the following Monday and I happily agreed.

I had never worked so hard in my life. On the go from the moment I arrived in the morning until the minute, Sandra came home from work. Sometimes she stopped off to do shopping on the way, and wouldn't get back until past six thirty, making it a really long day. Mostly, everything was fine, and being young, I had loads of energy, knowing instinctively how to keep my charges entertained. The days passed quickly and the cash at the end of each week was brilliant. The family had a massive house and garden with a swimming pool, which being outside, was only used in the summer. The kids were good swimmers, and I am too, so we spent a lot of time messing about in the pool.