Enough, Already

Steve continued to stare in the dark at the blank screen on the television until finally, just before first light; he eased off to a troubled sleep. He awoke just before noon when he heard the sounds of Nadia coming through the front door. He was instantly awake.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah... sure. Why wouldn't I be?"

"I... I don't know. I was just a little worried."

Steven was holding on tightly to his emotions, unsure which part of him would surface. Every stage of grief was present within him except acceptance. Denial: perhaps this emotion had already passed. After all, he'd seen it with his own eyes. Nadia lying naked under Bill and hearing her moans of pleasure wasn't an image he could argue with, no matter how hard he tried. Be careful what you wish for, she'd cautioned him.

Goddammit, he thought silently, Goddammit to hell... why did I...

Anger was his most vivid emotion, seeing his wife coming back to him after being in the arms of another man. Why did I confess to her about those other women? It had seemed to be the right thing to do at the time. He'd felt cleansed of his guilt the moment he'd uttered his words; "I cheated on you, Nadia. I've been with other women."

He wanted to slam his fist into his forehead. He wanted to grab the nearest object and fling it against the wall. If he'd had a gun in his hand last night, would he have used it? Whom would he have killed? Bill, Nadia? He wouldn't point it at himself, that was the one thing he was certain of, although he wasn't sure why. Taking a deep breath, he realized how pissed off at himself he was for cheating on Nadia. He wondered; should I apologize? Saying he was sorry made sense, but that wouldn't wipe away the fact that he'd cheated on her, nothing could ever remove that.

"I'm sorry," Steve whispered, although Nadia didn't hear him. She was already heading back to the bedroom to change out of her evening dress.

Out of Nadia's view, he slammed his open hand against his forehead, but it wasn't sufficient. He balled his fist and hammered the side of his head as hard as he could several times. He stopped only after the pain in his knuckles became noticeable.

When Nadia casually remarked later that day that Bill had asked her to fly with him down to Jamaica, he nearly lost all control.

No, this is not what I wished for, not what I wanted. My God, Nadia! You're my fucking wife, dammit!

All he'd managed to say aloud to her was, "What did you say?" He never considered that 'no' was the very word she'd hoped he'd speak.

Angered, she remarked, "I said it sounded like fun."

Then just go, dammit, he thought to himself, his anger focused towards Nadia for the moment. His rage shifted when he considered; if I had that gun in my hand and Bill was near enough to aim at, he'd be the one lying on the fucking floor.

It had only been days since Nadia had screamed at him, "Steve...just stop it, dammit!" His emotions finally erupted and he screamed, "Nadia... just stop it! You're not going off somewhere with that bastard!"

Nadia stopped preparing lunch and looked towards him. "What?" she asked. Before Steven could reply, she added, "I thought this was what you wanted? I thought you wanted to see other men touching me... fucking me. I hope you're happy now."

"No," he screamed, rising to his feet.

Nadia continued, "Steven, you said it was your fantasy. You said the idea of it excited you."

"I don't care what I said," he replied quickly. "That was... sure, I said that, but..."

"It's only fair, considering..."

"I know, I know," he admitted.

Sensing Steven's vulnerability, she continued pressing, "It was just sex, Steven, just like you said it would be. I spread my legs and he stuck his cock in me. What else is there to say? It felt fucking good!"

Steven cringed.

"He had a huge cock too; did you get a good look at it? I could barely get it in my mouth!"

"Nadia," he screamed again, "Please..."

"Please what, Steven?"

"Please... just stop. Stop talking about it."

"Wasn't that what you wanted?"

Steven collapsed into his chair and slowly shook his head, "I guess I didn't think it through."

Nadia started to say more; she was prepared to elaborate on just how much she'd enjoyed herself. She refrained at the last moment. She hadn't wanted it to happen, and she felt Steven might have finally come to his senses. She continued to stand her ground however, waiting for him to say something else.

One thought shared by them both, lines were crossed and nothing could ever change that. When it became obvious that Steven wasn't going to say anything else, she returned to the kitchen to finish making their lunch, unable to feel close to her husband at that moment. She sighed silently to herself; I suppose it had to happen...