Before you judge me - I'm not that much different than you. I've always thought I was just a regular guy. I've never disrespected traditional values or done anything extremely unconventional. My first true love happened when I was 24 years old, and although ten years have passed and a lot has happened, I still think about my girls all the time. When I met Samantha and Terra, my life completely changed, but I didn't. I was still me, I just wasn't lonely anymore. It was destined to fail eventually - it wasn't practical at all. My parents would never have approved. In fact, nobody would have approved. We couldn't get married or have babies in a socially acceptable way. I couldn't have them both forever; I couldn't even have one of them forever because they were so in love with one another. I could tell the tale of the break-up, but that story is not anywhere near as fun as this one. But no matter what anyone thinks of it, I can't regret it, and I will always love my girls.

 

Up until almost two years ago now, I lived and worked all-year round at a camp for teenage foreign exchange students. I loved it, but unfortunately it was stopping me from having a life. I came to realize that I was a 24-year-old with nothing to speak of other than a job. I had worked there since I was 18 years old and I'd not been able to have a girlfriend the entire time or make any new permanent friends. I made the decision to leave after I was accepted for a position working at the Tramping & Camping store down the road from my parent's house. It was a miracle that I went from having no girlfriend for five years to suddenly having two. Terra and Samantha both worked at the store and I only discovered that they were a lesbian couple after working with them for an entire two-week period. I was already crazy about them but I knew I couldn't have both of them to myself. I befriended them anyway, but the more we hung out together, the stronger my feelings grew. We naturally developed a really good friendship but it took months for me to admit to them exactly how I felt. While they were still in the dark about my true feelings, we went out drinking for my birthday and all three of us took at least three tequila shots too many. We ended up back at my place - which was my parent's basement - and the girls announced to me that we they were going to give me a threesome as a birthday gift. I wanted the girls to know that I respected them, but I was too drunk and horny to say no. It was the most incredible thing ever. I made love to both of them, and watched them make love to each other. The whole thing was kind of awkward because I'd never done anything like it and they claimed they hadn't had a threesome before either, although they'd thought about it. The experience brought us closer together, though, and it became a regular occurrence. We didn't really talk about it afterward, but it started to happen more and more often, until Samantha admitted to me that she and Terra never had sex without me there anymore. In a separate conversation, Terra told me that I was an important part of the trio, and their activities didn't feel right if I wasn't there also. Still, weeks and weeks passed before the three of us had a proper discussion about what exactly was going on with the three of us. We had been having sex together as a threesome regularly for four months before I finally told them that I wanted something to be official. I told them, not for the first time, that I loved them both equally and I loved nobody else. Samantha, in tears, claimed that she was confused but she knew she loved both Terra and I and nobody else. Terra said the same thing - that she was deeply in love with Sam and myself but nobody else.

We kept our three-way relationship a secret, but somehow it worked. I was careful to give both my girls equal amounts of attention. There wasn't any jealousy, not even a small amount, which was an absolute marvel.

One Friday I felt frisky, and seeing as the three of us were working together alone, we shut up shop at lunchtime. Samantha sucked me off while I went down on Terra, and we were about to swap over when our boss charged through the door, and shit definitely hit the fan. He fired all three of us on the spot. After four weeks of unsuccessful job-hunting, I was forced to give my old boss, Brendan, a call and grovel for my job back. I was sad to be leaving my girlfriends 70 miles away, so over the phone I made the query as to whether or not there would be space for two extra workers at the camp. As luck had it, Brendan had expanded the camp during my year and a half absence and had a thirty-person intake for staff training beginning in three weeks. I was too excited for words. I'd missed the camp, and if my girls could come with me then everything would be perfect. Unfortunately, during the intake I would be the only one getting paid while both Terra and Samantha would be more or less just getting used to the camp for two weeks before their position begun if Brendan believed they were suitable. I had strong faith in my girls and I knew without a doubt that they would be perfect for the job.

When I put the idea to Terra and Samantha, they were so desperate for work that they jumped on the idea. I promised them that I would support them financially until they started getting paid. I offered to take them out to celebrate that night, but they suggested we stay in to save money. There wasn't a lot we could do as a trio because nobody really knew the truth about us. If we wanted to be romantic, we either had to stay at home or go somewhere where we were sure that nobody knew us. I wasn't ashamed, but all three of us agreed that it was just easier to avoid dramas. We never really spoke about the elephant in the room - what was going to happen in the long run? Could we keep our unconventional relationship a secret forever? How would it work? I hated to think about it. I wanted both of them forever, no matter what it took. They lived together, while I still lived in Mom and Dad's basements, and I was always afraid of while they were together they discussed things that I couldn't be a part of.

That night, while we were supposed to be celebrating, I tried to get the girls turned on but neither of them seemed interested. That hadn't really happened before so I was a little bit worried. I wondered if they had fucked earlier in the day without me. There was an unspoken rule that that was never allowed to happen.

The day to depart for camp rolled around and I was afraid that Terra and Samantha were going to change their minds. Both of them had been acting differently and it was breaking my heart. I was shit-scared that they were going off me. We had had sex once since the day that we were fired, and it was awfully quick. When I thought about it, I realized that even before we'd started having sex in the store and been so rudely interrupted, it had been quite some time since the three of us had had proper, passionate sex. I didn't know what was wrong and I didn't know how to bring up the subject. I continued trying to treat both the girls like princesses, desperate to make things right. I lay awake at night thinking what a fool I'd been. These girls were young - both nineteen - they hadn't experienced much of life so how were they to know what they wanted? I felt like an asshole, like I'd taken advantage of their innocence. Perhaps I had been deluded to believe that I could have two beautiful girls to myself for so long.

I was relieved when neither of my girlfriends backed out of camp. They rode in the back of the car together, while I drove up front alone, listening to their conversations but not really taking part. I felt like they were distancing me without meaning to and it made me feel sick.

The first few days of camp were so busy that I didn't have the chance to examine Sam and Terras' every move. They were fast learners, figuring out how to safely use abseiling equipment and navigate bush walks. They already knew all of the team-building exercises and on the third day, Brendan let me know that he was very impressed with the progress of my "friends" and he was indeed keen on hiring them. I was relieved, because it was one more reason why they shouldn't leave me, but I was still terrified that they were thinking of breaking up with me. I just didn't understand it. Because of camp rules, they had to sleep in the female quarters while I was with the men, and I was fearful that they might be getting intimate without me even if there were six other women in the room with them. With every chance I got, I told them that I loved them and missed them. I promised that once they got the job, we would be granted more time off to be alone.

On our fifth day, I was on dinner duty with the rest of my group of guys and once it was ready, I went to find Samantha and Terra to let them know. We hadn't had sex in more than two weeks now and the lack of intimacy was killing me. I hoped that I would find them alone in their cabin so that could at least kiss them briefly and maybe cop a feel. I did find them in their cabin, and they were alone, but they were busy.

I approached the cabin quietly enough for neither of them to be able to hear me. The two of them stood beside one of the beds, chatting quietly in between soft, romantic kisses. Terra's hands rested on Sam's hips, and Terra's hands cupped Sam's face. Officially, they weren't doing anything wrong. They were just kissing and showing each other affection. When Terra's fingertips dipped underneath the waistband of Sam's jeans, I started to get nervous. I loved watching the two of them get it on, no doubt, but only when they knew I was watching. They pressed their tits together through their shirts and I watched the heat rise to Terra's face, the way it always did when she was starting to get turned on. Their arms crept around each other and they stayed in that embrace, their lips firmly locked now and the chatting over.

Quickly I averted my eyes and reminded myself of the real reason I was standing there in the doorway. I knocked gently on the doorframe, cleared my throat and made sure that I was looking down at my shoes so that the two of them didn't think I'd been staring.

"Oh, Conrad," Terra said, noticing me and breaking away from the hug.

"Dinner is ready, guys," I told them with a friendly, casual smile that was very much forced. I hoped I hadn't obviously overdone it. I was losing them, but I didn't want them to know that I was aware of it. If I touched on the fact that they I knew they were purposely distancing themselves from me, then the inevitable break-up would happen that much sooner. I wasn't ready for it - I doubted I could ever be ready for it.