Author's Notes

 

When I was first approached and asked if I would consider writing a book about self-bondage, I thought it was probably not a good idea, mostly because, by virtue of it being a very private sexual activity engaged in by a single person, there was not a lot of information available. Furthermore, the inquiry came by email from a woman I barely knew. Her approach was not brazen, but she wasted no words. This was the email message:

 

Dear von Stuka,

I belong to a very small international group of women who are well enough off to indulge in very private erotic activities. This is not BDSM as you know it.

Each year, we gather at a different location and spend a few days in the fellowship of auto-bondage...self-bondage if you will. We believe that self-bondage is misunderstood, if not generally unknown to many people and part of our charter, though informal, is to expand our own knowledge and understanding of this experience.

We'd like you to consider sharing this unique experience, in total secrecy, with the end result perhaps being a book based on what you learn at this meeting.

We will pay all of your expenses and you must agree to and sign a rather detailed legal contract.

 

(Signed) N

 

Less than a month later, after playing the requisite footsie with several lawyers, theirs and mine, I flew from Tegel Airport in Berlin to Frankfurt and then on to Stockholm. Per the written instructions, I waited there overnight and then was taken to a small airport and flown to a beautiful island retreat at a location I cannot disclose. The group that gathered there was certainly not middle class and was a fascinating mixture of cultures. The accommodations were Spartan, but elegant and it was immediately clear that this club, this cult of self-bondagers, was very unique in that they shared, within their small circle, information and experiences that usually never leave the most private rooms of participants.

Contrary to what could be popular belief, auto or self-bondage is neither simple nor easy. It is not easy because the practitioner must be able to get into the bondage and then safely get out. It is not simple because if the user doesn't get anything out of it, it is useless. It is, as the stories gathered here demonstrate, both physically and psychologically complex and deeply entwined with the nuances of the entire spectrum of the BDSM world. There is also a point, especially for the novice, where a lack of knowledge and experience may result in frustration stemming from a desire to engage in the activity that can most accurately be described as complex, serious, erotic play.

It is impossible to consider the self-bondage concept without including the realm of bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism because the two areas, while having distinct characteristics of their own, are very closely linked. The survey and interviews included here often reflect the inclination to engage in SB when no partners for other BDSM activities are available. So, one might conclude, at least ideally, that self-bondage leads to partner bondage and vice versa.

As in other such erotic activities, or games, there is always the specter of danger with SB. In normal consensual partner bondage, the binder and bindee strike an agreement about limits and techniques. For example, the bindee may stipulate that he or she is not, under any conditions, to be beaten, no matter how attractive this course might be to the binder. They must also agree about safe words or actions, concurring on the premise that what one participant may say or indicate while in the throes of orgasmic pleasure cannot be considered their true need or desire. Thus, the famous cliché that goes: "if I say 'no, please,' it means do it harder" cannot be trusted. Part of the contract between top and bottom, between dom and dominated is the implicit understanding that when the bottom says "stop" they mean stop. Failure on the part of either participant to agree to the terms set by the other is a very good reason to cease all such activity and move on to something else.

No bondage action between adults should be undertaken without the express and willing acceptance of BOTH PARTIES.

 

Nevertheless, the idea of securing oneself in such as way as to gain erotic stimulation and release flourishes best when there is an element of danger, real or imaginary. This is no different from auto racing, bungee jumping, motorcycle racing, parachuting or surfing. Without the danger, there is often no enjoyment for the participant. SB has associated dangers much like some sports that are often engaged in solo. The solo SCUBA diver must recognize and plan for the fact that he or she is solely responsible for his own welfare. Using life support systems, such as SCUBA, alone, means doing things differently than if you are diving in a group or with a buddy.

SB has similar elements. If you tie yourself up in your own private apartment, house, camping tent or hotel room, you must recognize that if something goes wrong, you alone will be responsible. Waiting for help may be an end game.

At the extreme end of the spectrum, real danger lurks when circulation of blood is inhibited or airways are blocked. When bindings, such as cuffs, ropes or straps are too tight or left in place for too long, the desire and need to quickly escape may cloud the rational action of the bindee.

No one I know or have ever read about in this realm begins or ends their comments about self or auto-bondage without the strict warnings about the safety aspects. Anything can be dangerous if you go at it the wrong way. However, self-bondage, mostly because it encourages the participant(s) to go to the edge of their erotic sensibilities, can become life-threatening if the cautions and safe practices are exceeded or ignored.

Anyone who has tried to get off by placing themselves in seemingly inescapable restraint knows that to successfully and safely do so takes at least four critical elements:

·         Careful planning,

·         a true awareness of the dangers,

·         understanding their own limits and

·         proper and safe equipment.

Lack of any of these ingredients can have, at best, unsatisfying and at worst, disastrous results. If you do not plan properly, you may find yourself hopelessly confined. If you happen to use the wrong gear, or use your gear incorrectly, you can do serious or irreparable damage.

As in the case of being bound by someone else, doing it yourself can produce extreme psychological and physical stimulation. It can also bring discomfort beyond endurance; pain that you did not expect or want.

There is very little public information about self-bondage. There are very few reliable published sources of such information and a great deal of truth and accuracy is lost in myth and word of mouth. This is unfortunate, because having no reference, individuals must experiment on their own without guidance, usually in secret. This methodology, coupled with the complexity of the practice, can yield frustration and at times, costly mistakes. For example, a reasonably intelligent person knows that anything placed around the neck has the potential to be deadly. Indeed, much of what has been written and published about self-bondage contains strong warnings about placing anything around the neck. Yet, because the neck is full of highly responsive nerve endings and receptors, as well as being a convenient "attachment point", many auto bondage practitioners place collars, rope, chain and other materials on and around the neck. The strongest cautions about this will often not discourage BDSM practitioners and thus, it is best perhaps to investigate safe ways to do this rather than constantly and ineffectively telling people not to do it. One analogy to this might be made that if someone is committed to driving fast and breaking the speed limit, learning to safely drive a race car on a closed circuit track might be a better option. So, one could also conclude that if in SB it seems essential to place something on the neck, it is best to study and understand the ways this can be done with less risk.

This book is NOT intended to be a "how-to" guide for those interested in self or auto-bondage. As a useful tool for learning about the subject, it is far from perfect. The nuances and complexity of restraint in any form are far too deep and varied to allow anyone to say that they know all there is to know and can thus responsibly advise others about what to do and how to do it. Coupled with the societal issues that always come into play when one discusses the various forms of erotica, it can only be said here that perhaps some knowledge and enlightenment may come from reading what is here.

 

Jurgen von Stuka

Berlin

October 2011

Preface

 

Self-bondage, SB, is essentially the indulgence in one's private, sexual fantasies. Doing something to yourself that you cannot or will not do with someone else can be a thrilling and sexually rewarding activity. Often, the extent and duration of an SB session will exceed anything a second party might tolerate, even willingly. So, the fantasy extends, partly because you, the person who is tied and you the person doing the tying, set your own limits in terms of time, apparel, accessories and techniques. From this perspective alone, SB is tempting and tantalizing for many would-be BDSM practitioners who simply cannot or will not find a partner for such practices.

What began as a sort of research survey of self-bondage practitioners eventually became this book. From my personal observation, the stories are too good to remain in some dusty volume of erotic behavior. Low-key research by one individual can be productive. If I took a professional research team into such a closed, invitation only, private event at a remote location for the purpose of gaining some additional insight into self-bondage, I doubt we would have come away with as rich and diverse a book.

From lengthy oral narratives, interviews and completed questionnaires, the author built a tremendous database of preferences, practices, equipment, techniques and incidents that seemed to him to be accurate and astute in their portrayal of the SB scene. Yet this raw data would be far too clinical to be interesting to anyone except those doing their own studies of the same or related activities.

Eventually, the interviews and oral narratives provided by open and frank survey participants, coupled with the answers in questionnaires, allowed the author to build a series of chapter length narratives and Q&A discussions that seemed to form an intelligent overview of what goes on, usually behind closed doors. If you read this, it becomes clear that every kind of individual, male and female, with all levels of education and background, indulge in some form of self-restraint. Note that I said every kind, not every one.

The information here is the author's interpretation of what was initially said or written. The original thoughts and ideas are not compromised, but the prose has been carefully edited and altered to provide consistent and readable materials.

While not in full agreement with some of the author's conclusions, the range of material or with some things perhaps intentionally left out, I found von Stuka's work to be useful and enlightening. We are talking about a world that is probably hidden more carefully than most erotic practices, if for no other reason than it is indulged in by single players who seldom, if ever, record their activities, although I suspect that if not already there, photos and videos of self-bondage work will appear more and more often on the internet.

To put self-bondage in a slightly different light, to show that it is engaged in and enjoyed by normal people in all professions and lifestyles, I think von Stuka has succeeded. As more than one participant in the survey said, if done with planning and foresight, SB is a healthy and safe outlet for erotic fantasies. It is no more dangerous than walking across the street.

 

Eric Kastle, MD, Ph.D.

 

The Process - A Bit of an Apology

 

Each guest at this retreat, each member of the group, knew in advance that some low-key research would take place during the gathering. Those who did not want to participate carried on as they normally would. Those who said they would willingly contribute went through three different interviews, one each day. They also filled out a detailed questionnaire[i] on a computer. Anonymity was guaranteed. There was no coding, no way to identify who wrote or said what.

The narratives, interview responses and questionnaire contents were then assimilated into a large database for later study. I went back to Berlin with several DVDs and external drives with the compressed data.

Sorting this all out took several months. I had to contact N more than once, asking for clarifications of terms and solving some apparent contradictions. In the end, more than a year later, this collection of essays began to take shape. The writing is mine. The words and contents are those of the respondents. If the text seems unbalanced in that it reflects a male point of view, it is my fault, not that of the respondents.

I have done everything I can to protect the people involved and at the same time maintain a high level of credibility. Since I could not fact check with the sources, there is bound to be some inconsistency and inaccuracy here. I do not think that most of those quoted shared much of what they said with other members, nor did I ever get the feeling that what they were saying was contrived or imaginary. If what they said or wrote was fantasy, so be it.

Some of the essays go beyond single person, auto-bondage. This, given the nature of the experiences, is normal and acceptable.

For obvious reasons, everything here involves consenting adults who participate on their own free will. One of the interesting elements of self-bondage is that, even if a coercive fantasy is involved, there cannot be any non-consensual activity when the only person involved is the person performing the act.

 

[i]See appendix A

 

JvS

 

 

Copyright by Jurgen von Stuka, 2011, 2012

Participants, by Chapter

 

1.      Lorrie S. - Demonstrator - Ch 1

2.      Mavis - Assistant

3.      Calibria - Advice on equipment - Ch 2

4.      Melissa - Ch 3

5.      Jackie - Ch 4

6.      Paula - Female TV - Ch 5

7.      Meg - Photos - Ch 6

8.      Patti - Closet - Ch 7

9.      Felicia - High tech - Ch 8

10.  Paula - Dog collars - Ch 9

11.  Mandi - Ch 10

12.  W. - Steel - Ch 11

13.  Carol - Double standard - Ch 12

14.  Alexis - Spreaders - Ch 13

15.  Fran - Butt plugs - Ch 14

16.  Lois - The fantasy - Ch 15

17.  Penelope - Strapped - Ch 16

18.  Wendy/June - Phone sex - Ch 17

19.  Launa - Symbolic ties - Ch 18

20.  Carol B - Belts et al - Ch 19

21.  Glenda - Creative - Ch 20

22.  Hillary - Rings - Ch 21

23.  Asian - Pony - Ch 22

24.  Kathleen -Kid stuff - Ch 23

25.  Anna - Gender switch - Ch 24

26.  Lynda - Latex - Ch 25

27.  Gerry - Competitive - Ch 26

28.  Lynn - Scenario - Ch 27

29.  Bret/Brenda - TG Video - Ch 28

30.  Margarita - Chastity - Ch 29

31.  Susan - Manager of risk - Ch 30

32.  Andrea - T-strap - Ch 31

33.  Nadia - Perch pole - Ch 32

34.  Rebecca - Safety - Ch 33

Chapter One

 

One of the most fascinating events at the meeting

was when a select few of the participants demonstrated

their SB skills live, in real time.

This narrative was from one of the exhibits.

 

Demonstration

 

Considering her predicament, she wasn't struggling much. Only low moans came from behind the gag and her fingers fluttered nervously every now and then. The prospects of escape were apparently very dim. She was extremely well bound and was going to remain so.

The lights were out. It was pitch dark in the large conference room and the attendees sat in comfortable chairs surrounding the center dais, which, because of its special features, was more of a mechanical stage than just a platform. From the center of the circular floor, a round pedestal slowly rose, illuminated by a single pin spot focused precisely on the occupant of a heavy oak armchair bolted to the pedestal. Sitting in the chair was a human figure, obviously female, well secured to the chair by a great deal of rope. As the pedestal rose to floor level, it slowly began to rotate, providing a closer view of the bound figure and more details of the rope bondage.

"This is Lorrie S," the woman narrator's voice said with a neutral tone over the audio system. "You will note on your programs that she has been in practice for eight years. She tells us she is now twenty-seven years old, single, well employed as an attorney, and has never before shown anyone her self-bondage abilities.

"She is, as you can see, well bound to the chair. She has a rather unique inflatable gag in her mouth and wears a specialty punishment hood made for her by Noble Enterprises. She cannot hear what is said here unless I activate the hood's internal ear buds. Before beginning her session, Lorrie told me that for her own pleasure, she decided to place and activate two internal probes in her ass and vagina and that they will continue to operate until she shuts them off with a remote control which is located somewhere on or in her body."

The surrounding group of attendee women was silent, perhaps placing themselves mentally in the same chair, tightly and helplessly bound with many meters of hemp rope. They could not help but note that the woman's breasts were completely flattened and all but invisible except for the taunt, light brown nipples that peeked out through the confining layers of rope. Each nipple bore a large, bright, silver ring and the rings were joined by a short silver chain. Two other chains led upward from the nipples and disappeared into small circular openings in the front of the heavy leather hood.

The multiple layers of rope wrapped around her upper torso also incorporated her upper arms, pulling her elbows close together. Her wrists were secured by a single, wide metal clamp that held her hands together, palm to palm at the base of her spine.

Her legs were tied in a traditional posture with her ankles pulled back on either side and bound to the upper crossbars of the chair, forcing her knees and thighs well apart and exposing her hairless sex with its imbedded probe held in place with a chain that bisected her crotch. This chain was padlocked to another similar chain around her narrow waist. Additional ropes held her thighs to the seat and side arms of the chain.

From the crown of the hood, a long braid of dark brown hair exited upwards and came harshly back and down to where it joined the wrist clamp. This forced her leather-encased head unnaturally back and, if she could see, she would have stared at the ceiling.

Aside from an occasional shudder and low moans from inside the hood, the woman made no indication of even being alive.

"Please mark your ballots accordingly, my friends. As I said before, this is Lorrie S, number four. There will be one additional demo later today at dinner and then we'll review the poll tomorrow before we end the conference. If you have questions about Lorrie's work, make your notes now and she'll be with us in a more communicative posture tonight."

The pedestal made one final rotation while its occupant shivered and shook with some apparent internal stimulation and then the chair and pedestal descended back down into the stage and the lights went out. An audible sigh came from the audience as the house lights came back up and the guests rose to attend to other meetings, seminars and attractions.

Below the stage, two women in jeans and sweaters sat in folding chairs and watched as Lorrie S, now out of the spotlight and still firmly seated in the heavy chair, began to free herself. The attendants were there to assure that no one assisted in the release and that Lorrie was safe and well after her ordeal.

Her first move was to slip one hand free of the single metal clamp that held her wrists. Following the movement of her braided hair, the cuff then rose as she lowered her head to a more comfortable position and her braid pulled the cuff higher on her back. Lorrie wiggled her arms and upper torso, slowly slipping her arms upwards and out of the many loops of rope that held them to her sides and to the chair. As soon as her arms were free, her hands went to the heavy leather hood covering her head and face. She unbuckled the double roller buckles on the wide attached collar, did the same with several other roller buckles that held the blindfold and gag in place, then opened the Velcro closure that concealed the center zipper on the hood, pulling the zipper up until it reached the hole where her braid escaped. At that point, she opened the clamshell structure of the hood and slipped it forward and off her head, but left it dangling in front while she deflated the rubber cock in her mouth and pulled the entire thing away easily, the penis gag making a slurping sound as it finally left her mouth.

"Whew," Lorrie said, mostly to herself, as she rubbed her eyes and then her lips. "How was that?"

"Excellent. Beautiful, Lorrie. I don't think I've ever seen anything so complete. All of us would have sworn that there was no way you were getting out of that," babbled blond Mavis, the younger woman attendant.

"Agreed," said the other woman, now standing close to Lorrie, who was still partly fastened to the chair. "You must practice this a lot."

"Oh, practice I do. It's an every day affair for me. How about you?"

"I don't get as much opportunity as I'd like and I am really into leather as a medium, but I certainly admire your work," said the second woman, who looked about twenty or even younger and wore only a few, but very elegant and expensive bits of jewelry and a sweater with a deep V neck.

Lorrie was now untying her legs and feet, flexing her legs once the ropes were off and easing herself up out of the chair that was soaked with sweat and other fluids on the seat. She unlocked the waist chain and, looking at her audience, told them that she was going to remove the dildoes and that if they were not interested in this, they should feel free to leave. Both women stayed and watched. The plugs came out easily and the attendants were visibly surprised at the thickness and length of both.

"My God, Lorrie," said the second woman, speaking with a noticeable French accent. "How in the world do you take anything so big? That thing in your ass is almost a telegraph pole," she said with a short laugh and a wink at the other attendant.

"Planning and practice," Lorrie said seriously, wrapping the twin rubber dongs with a small towel and then putting them into a zip-lock bag, then packing up her ropes and hood.

"May I see your hood?" Mavis asked.

"Of course," said Lorrie, walking over to the blond and handing her the sweat-soaked, black leather, head enclosure.

"This is Raymond's work, isn't it," Mavis said, carefully inspecting the complicated strap and zipper arrangement.

"Yes. He does all of my gear. I find he is precise to the absurd degree, but I love everything he has made for me so far."

"And pricey as well, correct?" asked Mavis, still handling the hood.

"Oh yes, of course. He has no real sense of value and his partner, Damian, just sets whatever price he thinks I'll pay."

"True, true," both attendants affirmed.

"Well, friends, I'm off to a shower and then a real long soak in the sauna. Anyone interested?" Lorrie asked as she wrapped a cotton robe around herself.

"I'll come," said Mavis quickly and they walked off together while the remaining woman smiled to herself, considering what might happen with three of them in the sauna and Lorrie still carrying a bag full of rope.