Chapter One

 

Laura sat down on the bench. In the distance she could see the lovely, deep blue, Atlantic Ocean. The sun felt warm on her legs although she had felt the breeze on the climb up the path. But the breeze felt warm on her face and carried the scent of daffodils. Cherry blossom petals brushed gently against her face in the breeze. They fell gracefully to the ground and made a pink and white carpet by her feet.

Today was Sunday, and Laura's husband was away with work, so she was making the most of the day. As she sat on the bench, Laura felt so relaxed. Nature was providing a free aromatherapy and massage session.

'I'm so blessed to live here. Only an hour from New York, but this is another world. Sleepy Mexboro, New Jersey.'

Just then a family, walking their dog approached Laura on the path. There was mum and dad, a teenage girl and boy and a Red Setter dog, which was excitedly chasing Cherry Blossom petals in the breeze. Laura smiled.

"It's a beautiful day, isn't it," she said as they walked past.

"It most certainly is."

As the family continued their walk Laura was reminded of her son and daughter, Connor and Wendy. They were both away from home, studying at college. 'I remember Philip and I bringing them here for the first time when Connor was five and Wendy four. They've both loved this place ever since. No surprise there though.'

As she reflected on her relationship with her own children, her own mother came to mind. 'I know what a father is. Philip's a father, a good one. But I never felt that as a child because he left before I ever got to know him.'

Laura felt warm inside as she remembered her mum. 'You did so well, bringing me up without a man.' Memories of Brad and Mark came to mind. 'But you never let them get too close to me. They were your boyfriends but not my father. They had their place. But Mum, you were the real deal.'

Thoughts of the love they shared passed through Laura's mind. There was no embarrassment about bodies between them. They could show physical affection without embarrassment. They cuddled and hugged each other regularly. Laura remembered how when she was little, her mum would come in the shower with her. Naked women were just every-day normality to Laura, and she often saw her mum in her bra and pants. And Laura thought that her mum had a nice body and she appreciated it; not in a sexual way, but in a healthy and sensual way, as women often do. How often Madelaine had talked to Laura as she was getting dressed for the day or getting into her nightie and dressing gown, to relax for the evening. Her mum talking to her about life and relationships, or other serious matters, whilst she was in her bra and pants was a very normal context at home.

Visions of playing tennis with her mum crossed her mind. Madelaine had been fit and active and had taught Laura to play tennis from her being ten. Her mum was a good player and Laura became good too. She remembered her mum in a white T Shirt, tennis skirt, and plimsolls, her strong body bouncing the ball and then straining as she launched her serve at Laura. The thoughts in Laura's mind were vivid, as if her mum lived in her memory. But not just as a memory, but as an ongoing reality. Laura felt a lovely warmth in her tummy thinking of her mum.

Then there was a twinge of pain and sadness, but it only lasted a moment, because the memory of Mum's smile put it to flight. 'I miss you so much Mum. But you left me something real.'

Laura got up and began to walk. She noticed how her shoes made imprints in the carpet of blossom on the ground. That was something that her and Madelaine used to enjoy doing together at this time of year. It was childish and yet at the same time, liberating. Mother and fourteen-year old daughter making footprints in the petals and giggling like naughty schoolgirls sharing a guilty secret.

'Nothing with you was forced, Mum. It just flowed naturally from you. It seemed you weren't trying...you were just being you. Even when you disciplined me.'

And Laura had been disciplined by Madelaine. It didn't happen often, but it did happen, and it was memorable. Laura laughed. Visions of being twelve came to mind. How she didn't do her homework and then lied to the teacher, who knew she was from a single parent home. She'd said her mum had been unwell and she had extra duties at home. 'Unfortunately.' she'd run out of time and so didn't do her homework. The teacher, being a naïve young woman, believed her. Laura blushed and felt warm inside as she remembered her mum coming home a few days later. She told Laura that she'd met her teacher who'd enquired if she was feeling better. When Laura got put over her mum's knee and spanked hard over her knickers, she accepted it. It was deserved. Sure, it hurt. Did it hurt! But she knew her mum loved her and that this was just part of life.

Laura, like any child could be naughty. She often didn't think about it at the time, but what hurt her the most was the dislocation that her bad behaviour caused. If she lied to her mum or tried to deceive her, she felt that their relationship suffered. 'Yes. It felt hollow.' But when it all came out, even though going over Mum's knee was humiliating and painful, it led to the restoration of that flow of love between them. And Laura wasn't a resentful girl. She learned from being disciplined because she used to reflect on why it happened. And she knew it did her good. Well, in the end, at least. 'Yeah. I didn't like what came before the "doing me good' bit, so much. But "Hey Laura. 'You did the crime, so you paid the time,'" she remembered saying to herself in an imitation James Cagney, gangster film voice.

'And I've got you to thank for my love of tennis too.'

Suddenly a blur of yellow fluttered past Laura's head. A Goldfinch made an almost perfect landing on one of the small twigs at the end of a branch of Cherry Blossom. It thrilled Laura to watch the bird slowly bobbing up and down, as the twig accommodated its weight. Then a sparrow blustered in. Laura covered her mouth as she laughed quietly, so as not to frighten the birds. The sparrow made a heavy landing on a twig above the Goldfinch, which then got covered in Cherry Blossom petals and pollen. Both birds flew off squawking. 'Reminds me of the difference between my tennis skills and Mum's when I was about thirteen.'

Laura looked at her mobile and decided it was time to go back home. During the thirty-minute journey, many more thoughts about the past went through Laura's mind.

'Mexboro was a close community back then. We always heard about people getting engaged or being pregnant. Everybody knew those things.' Laura laughed gently. 'Everybody heard on the grapevine about Mrs Flanders giving her husband an earful for eyeing up other women. Mum said the poor guy didn't do anything, he was just being friendly, but Mrs F was a bit over-zealous.'

Laura began to walk a little faster as there were some grey clouds approaching from the ocean. 'Let me see if I can beat the rain in a race back to the house.' She smiled again at memories of "the grapevine." Those were different times, with the values of another age; those of quiet, conservative America. And airing your dirty linen in public was just par for the course, because they were a real community. And that included talk about who'd been spanked. Laura and her friends used to talk about this between themselves. They always knew who'd 'had it,' 'from whom,' and 'why.' And it wasn't just parents. Sometimes older siblings administered discipline. And Laura blushed and felt warm inside as she remembered how often this subject came up when they were out at friends or neighbours for meals. 'Oh, I remember how red Sally's face went when her mother told Mum and I over a meal how she'd put her over her knee the other day for a paddling with the hairbrush. Ben, her little brother was there, giggling away, and it made my cheeks hot too. We were fifteen after all! Then again, we used to relish hearing those stories ourselves and used to tease younger girls, usually younger sisters about what we'd do to them if they misbehaved.'

And Laura felt a certain guilty pleasure as she remembered Marjorie, a good friend. It was a few years after Laura's mum died. Laura was round at Marjorie's who was back home from college for the holidays. They were going out for the evening and just before they left, Marjorie's mother spoke to her.

"You've been getting into bad habits at college. I'm fed up with you throwing dirty clothes at the wash basket, and those that don't go in and fall on the floor, being left for me to pick up. It'd better stop today young lady. You're old enough to drink alcohol now, but this is my house, and we live under my rules. The next time I have cause to mention this matter, nineteen or not, you'll get a good spanking. Understood?'

"Yes Mum."

"Now go out and have a nice evening.... but mark my words well young lady!"

Laura remembered how they waited till they were away from the house and then they both turned to each other and held onto each other giggling. And Marjorie teased Laura about how she'd said 'Yes,' when Marjorie's mum had made her threat, and asked if it had been understood.

"I did not," Laura remembered saying indignantly, knowing all the time she did. Then how Marjorie had replied, "I think I should give you a hot bottom for lying, Laura Pringle." And how they'd both held onto each other in fits of giggles.

All this reminded Laura of how much she'd missed her mum. Madelaine became ill and died, a few months, before Laura was sixteen. She got pancreatic cancer. It was quick, but she didn't suffer much. They also made the most of saying "Goodbye," and Madelaine tried to prepare Laura for the future, as best she could.

It had been arranged for Laura to be fostered, before Madelaine died. She and Laura had agreed that the foster parents were good people. They also lived within the Mexboro community. But try as they did, the Bowman's couldn't replace Madelaine. They were kind and dutiful and all Laura's needs were met. They made sure she received adequate intellectual stimulation and they had a lively social life. But Mrs Bowman and her husband were physically distant. Sure, they hugged her, but to Laura, it felt as if they did it because they knew they should. They were being sincere, but they were a bit emotionally wooden. But Laura respected them anyway and was happy with their son and daughter of her own age, although they weren't emotionally close.

Laura remembered Bonnie, her friend at college. Bonnie always knew when Laura was feeling 'down in the dumps,' and she had a remedy which always seemed to work. Laura used to talk to Bonnie a lot and one of the subjects, which became famous, was Laura's social worker, Mrs Bentley.

"How are things with Mrs Bentley?" Bonnie used to ask, and then wait for the sarcasm Blitzkrieg to commence.

This question would cause Laura's face to brighten. "Oh, she's fine, as always, Bonnie. It's like: 'Press One for physical needs like clothes. Press Two for boy troubles. Press Three for issues at school. 'Press Four for issues with the Bowman's. Press Five' for any other issues, and you'll be put through to our computerised answering service.'"

Then Laura would laugh and be sarcastic. "She really is like that Bonnie. Just like an automated answering service. She made a big deal of pointing out that she's a 'trained social worker' to me and mum, when I was first assigned to her. Seems more like an Android to me. Give me the choice, I'd talk to the automated answering service any time, over dear Mrs B."