TOY PARTY
I love Saturdays. You get up whenever you want, pull on shorts or sweats, drink some
coffee and eat a bowl of Froot Loops while you watch cartoons on TV. In the afternoon you
watch sports stuff, and then you clean up and go find a woman and take her back to your
place and screw her eyes out. Well, okay, maybe the last part doesn`t happen every
weekend. Okay, it`s never happened. Someday it will. I`m sure of it. Things are
looking up. See, last Saturday afternoon I was watching sports when my doorbell rang.
Now I`d heard of women who were called "stunning," but I don`t think I`d ever
seen one until I opened my door. I always figured it just meant they were really
good-looking. I didn`t know it meant you would actually be stunned when you looked at
them, just like somebody had poked you with a cattle prod.
She was standing there with a large suitcase, big blue eyes, breasts that screamed
"squeeze me," and… Well, you get the picture. "Hi!" she said, in one
of those bright, throaty, bouncy voices that make you think of bubble gum. "I`m here
for the party!"
"Party?"
"The party! This is the Reynolds residence, isn`t it? 3-B?"
"This is 3-B, but my name`s not Reynolds."
She pulled an appointment book out of her purse and studied it. "No, I wrote down
3-B. Is there somebody in this building named Reynolds? Maybe I wrote it wrong."
"I just moved in," I said. Her eyes were blinking rapidly and for a second I
thought I could feel a breeze from those eyelashes. "I don`t know anybody," I
added.
She stomped her foot, causing some wonderful things to happen to her superstructure.
"Oh, damn!" she said. "This is terrible! May I use your phone?"
I let her in, pointing the way to the telephone. She brought her suitcase in, dropped
it, and headed for the telephone. I followed her with my eyes. Her jeans were so tight
her bottom was– Oh, I just can`t bear to think about it right now. It`s too painful.
She consulted her little book again and dialed a number. She was standing with a hip
cocked, twisting her rear end just perfectly, making me want to rush over and grab those
glorious mounds of flesh. I had to push the thought out of my mind. She was far too
pretty for that kind of thing. Besides, she probably knew some of those oriental
self-defense tricks that would turn me into a pretzel in an instant. All girls that
pretty know about that stuff.
She put the phone down. "Even the phone number`s wrong! Damn! And this was my
first party!"
"Party?"
"I do parties. Well, actually, I just started. You know, you get a bunch of
friends together, I come over and demonstrate my merchandise and try to sell it to you and
your friends."
"What do you sell? That plastic kitchen stuff?"
"Toys. I do parties for women and sell them toys." Then she stomped her foot
again. "Damn!"
She could have said anything. The way her boobs jumped when her foot hit the floor
should be memorialized in the Smithsonian. My eyes must have crossed ten times.
"I stayed up all night practicing my sales pitch," she said. "And I
really need the money. Damn!"
"Well, I`m not busy today," I said. It was stupid to think she`d stay, but it
was worth a shot. "You could try your sales pitch on me if you like. I might even
buy something."
"No, that wouldn`t work," she said. "The parties are for women."
"Well, men can buy toys, can`t they?"
"Not from me. I only do parties for women. It could get out of hand with
men."
I could see how that could happen. For the past few minutes I`d been thinking of ways we
could get out of hand together. "I don`t get it," I said.
Suddenly she grinned and covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh! You`re thinking
about toys! No, that`s not what I sell."
"Huh?"
"I don`t sell toys for kids. I sell toys for adults."
"You mean like jigsaw puzzles and stuff?"
"No, silly, I sell bedroom toys!"
"Huh?"
"I`ll just do part of my sales pitch real quick," she said, grabbing the
suitcase. "I need the practice anyway. You just go sit over there on the
loveseat."
Loveseat? I had always thought it was a couch. A loveseat? In my apartment? What a
waste!
"My name is Mandy," she said. I looked up. She had gotten out some legs of
some sort and had made her suitcase into a display table.
"Hi Mandy," I said. "I`m Jay."
"It`s nice to meet you, Jay. Where can I change?"
"Change?"
"I have an outfit for my demonstration. I`ll just change in your bathroom."
She was back quickly and my heart stopped. I mean, the jeans and sweater were one thing,
but her "outfit" violated every heart-healthy guideline ever written. I could
eat a ton of lard every week and it wouldn`t be as dangerous as Mandy in her
"outfit." On top she was wearing a black lacy bustier. Trust me, it was a
bustier. I know these things. I get the catalogs. But it didn`t cover her. It just
sort of pushed her up a bunch, so that when she walked her breasts undulated. Jiggled.
Bounced. Oh, man…
And there was a thong thing. It started low in front, revealing part of her belly, and
swooped down between her legs– Oh, man… And it disappeared in back, between the firmest,
roundest buns I`d ever seen anywhere. And when she walked, those buns moved– Oh, man…
And she was wearing a garter belt and mesh stockings and high spike heels– Oh man…
Well. Anyway, Mandy walked behind her display case and looked at me. "Good
afternoon," she said, her voice formal. "I`m very happy to be here. The first
product I`d like to show you today is our massage oils." With that, she pulled
several bottles from the suitcase and set them on a little ledge. "These highly
personal oils must be experienced to be understood. They are completely edible,
stain-free, non-greasy, and wash off with soap and water." You get a set of five
miniature bottles of these fabulous oils: the original Lavender, Chocolate Mint, Cherry,
Raspberry and Vanilla Mint."
"Oil?" I said. "What would you oil with it? Why is it flavored?"
She took the cap off one of the bottles and carried it to my side of the room. Watching
her walk was like watching a Playboy centerfold come to life. I squirmed around in my
seat a little. I had this problem. My dick had turned into a tree limb. "You put
it on your body, silly," she said. "Take a sniff." She held the bottle
under my nose.
I sniffed. "That would be the Strawberry Mint," I said.
She made a sound like a buzzer. "You lose! Chocolate Mint," she said, turning
to go back to her display case. "We don`t even have a Strawberry Mint."
"So what would I do with it?" As soon as I asked the question, I caught on.
It was watching her walk away that gave me the hint. I could rub the stuff on her
bottom.
"You have somebody else put it on you, goofy," she said over her shoulder.
"Then the other person can lick it off. That`s why it`s edible. Would you like to
buy some of this?"
And I could lick it off her bottom. "Well, I don`t know," I said. "How
can you buy something you haven`t tried? I would need to taste it first." If there
was ever a time for the power of prayer to work, this was it.
"Well, I guess you could try it on your arm," she said, bringing the bottle
back.
"But you said it tastes different on different people. Wouldn`t we have to try it
on both of us?"
"You`re absolutely right," she said. She smeared some oil on my arm, then put
some on her own. "Okay, taste it," she said.
Hiding my disappointment, I licked my arm. "That`s Strawberry Mint, all
right," I said. "No question about it."
"Chocolate Mint, Jay," she said. "I told you, we don`t have a Strawberry
Mint. Here, taste my arm," she said.
I took a quick lick. "Can`t tell," I said. "I think it tastes the same.
Banana Mint."
"Jay, it`s Chocolate Mint. I already told you that."
I grabbed her arm and licked it again. "It`s all gone," I said. "I`ve
licked it all off." I licked her arm again.
"Why don`t we go on to another product?" she said, pulling away and returning
to her display case. She pulled out a small chain.
I could see little clips on each end of the chain. Now I`ve been around and I knew
immediately what these things were. "Roach clips!" I shouted.
Mandy blinked at me five or six times, a look of utter disbelief on her face. "You
must be joking," she said. "You can`t possibly be serious."
"Um, right," I answered. "I was joking. I… That`s a pair of… Shit.
What the hell is that?"
"Nipple clamps."
"Oh, of course!" I shouted. "I knew all along."
"You did not."
"Did so. I know all about nipple clamps! I used to wear nipple clamps all the
time!"
"Jay…"
"Okay, so I didn`t. But I know all about them."
"Would you like to try them?"
"They would hurt," I said.
"They would not! Women like them!"
"Prove it!"
"Oh, all right," she said. Quickly she attached the clips to the top of her
bustier.
"You`re cheating," I shouted. "You`ve got them outside! They`re not on
your, um, nipples."
"Oh, for Pete`s sake, Jay!"
"Cheat!"
She frowned. I hoped she was going to stomp her foot again, but she didn`t. She did
something better. She reached up and popped her breasts out of the bustier and put the
clamps on her nipples. "I hope you`re happy," she said.
Happy? My dick went up another ten points on the hardness scale and started trying to
get out of my shorts. This was a monumental point in my life. For the first time, there
were bare breasts in my apartment. The network news people should have been there. They
should have had special coverage on CNN.
When my head cleared, Mandy was holding up a thing that looked like a red bikini bottom.
"Edible panties," she said, "Edible panties? You`re kidding! Who would
want to eat panties? What do they taste like?"
"Strawberry. And, well, see, you don`t – you don`t just eat them, you eat them
while your girlfriend`s…"
"Wearing them?"
"Uh-huh."
"Wow. Well, can we try them? I mean, are you going to demonstrate them? Um, can I
taste them?"
"This is the only pair I have. It wouldn`t be good to have a big bite gone out of
them when I do my next party."
"Just a little nibble? Out of the back? I love strawberry."
"No way. I need these." She put them back in her case and pulled out a pair
of black panties. "Now these are your basic crotchless panties," she said,
holding them up so I could see them.
"Crotchless?"
"Right. Crotchless."
"They don`t have a crotch?"
"Crotchless."
"No crotch. Well, wouldn`t that hurt? I mean when you`re wearing jeans and all,
wouldn`t the seam hurt?"
"They`re not meant to be worn under anything, silly," she said, turning the
panties around to show me the other side.
"You mean you wear them when you`re not wearing anything? Why? Does it make it
easier to go to the bathroom or something?"
"No, Jay, that`s not what they`re for. They`re for when you`re, well you
know."
"Oh! You mean I could stick my–"
"Let`s move along," she said quickly, folding the panties and putting them back
in her display case.
"You`re not going to demonstrate them?"
"Jay, I can`t believe you haven`t seen panties before," she said. And with
that she turned around, skinned out of her thong and stepped into the panties. My heart
started jumping up and down in my chest. A bare pussy in my apartment! Oh, the
humanity!
She turned and faced me. "Happy now?" she asked.
Words can`t describe my happiness at that moment. Those clamped breasts, with the chain
swinging between them, that dark patch of pubic hair peeking at me through the opening in
the panties… And there was my dick, which was jumping up and down the same way my heart
was, trying to get its head outside my shorts, trying to drag me across the room to this
Saturday afternoon vision. Oh, that little guy was a gamester that afternoon, I`ll tell
ya.
Mandy seemed to be on a roll. Before I caught my breath, she had pulled a big dick out
of the suitcase and slapped it down on the ledge so that it was aimed at my ceiling.
"This is called a dildo," she said. "This is the medium. It`s six and
one-half inches long and two and one-half inches in circumference."
"Dildo? What`s a dildo? That thing looks like a plastic dick to me, if you`ll
excuse the expression. And medium? That thing? That`s a large or an extra-large if I
ever saw one! I mean mine`s… Well never mind. What do you do with that thing? What
does it taste like?"
I should have kept my mouth shut. I could tell from the look on her face that I`d made
her mad. She reached into the suitcase and pulled out another one of those dildo things.
"This is a large, Jay," she said emphatically, slamming it down next to the
first one. "And I don`t think they`re flavored."
It was huge! It must have been ten inches long. "Wow!" I whispered.
"Who modeled for that? King Kong? And how do you know it`s not flavored?"
"Well, it doesn`t say anything about flavoring in the brochure…"
"You don`t know? Why don`t you taste it?"
She looked at me for a few seconds, and without even changing the expression on her face,
she picked up this king-sized dick and stuck it in her mouth. She slid it in and out a
few times, never taking her eyes off my face.
"No flavor," she said emphatically. "Besides, they`re not meant for
tasting."
I`m no dummy. I had already figured that out.
She was already moving on. "Condoms," she said, throwing a few packages on the
ledge.
"Oh! I need some of those," I said.
"Ribbed or regular?"
"Ribbed, of course. I`ll need the large."
"Right. Sure you do."
"Do."
"Liar. Prove it."
"It`s true," I said.
"Come over here," she ordered. I did, and as quick as a whistle, she had my
shorts down around my ankles. "I think you`re lying," she said, ripping the
package open. "Hold still. We`ll just see."
I did as ordered. She got to her knees and unrolled a rubber onto my dick. I thought
for a second my body was going to buckle when she touched me. To make things worse, the
damn thing fit like a cheap rubber glove. It would have fallen off if my dick hadn`t been
sticking straight out.
She laughed. "I thought so," she said. "You`re just medium." With
that insult she began to rummage in her display case, leaving me standing there with my
shorts around my ankles and my dick poking out in the air, waving around like a dog`s nose
with a rubber bag over it.
"Large," I insisted. "This rubber`s a trick thing. Nobody has a dick
that big."
She ignored me. In her hand she had something else she`d gotten out of her display case.
She dropped it over one of those dildo things. It was a plastic ring of some kind.
"You might need this some day," she said.
I looked at this thing for a while. Then it came to me: "Oh! I know! You get a
bunch of those dicks, er, dildos, and play ring toss?"
She did the blinking thing again, as if she was wondering if I just fell off the back of
a turnip truck. "It`s a penile erectile enhancement device, silly. Some people call
it a cock ring."
For the life of me, I couldn`t figure out why a guy would wear a ring on his dick. First
of all nobody would see it – well not in my case anyway – and besides, it was too big. It
would just slide off and be a nuisance. "Peeney what? Oh, hell, I give up," I
confessed. "What`s it for?"
"Well, you wear it."
"Oh," I said wisely. "I get it. I`ve been meaning to get one of
those."
"You don`t need it right now. You`re already, you know…"
"Huh?"
"You`re already hard, silly."
"Those things make you hard?"
"They keep you hard. That`s what they`re for," she said. Before I knew it,
she had slipped this thing around my dick and tightened it. "There," she said.
"Now we don`t have to worry about that condom falling off."
She reached into her suitcase again. "I`m running short on time," She said,
"so here`s the last item we`re going to look at today."
I saw what she had in her hand. "Handcuffs?" I asked.
"Turn around."
She sounded so much like a cop, I obeyed without thinking. In seconds she had my hands
cuffed behind my back.
She walked around me and stood for a few seconds, looking me straight in the eye. Then I
felt her hand on my dick. She tugged a little. "Well, I really must get
going," she said. "Are you going to buy anything or not?"
"Some of the oil," I blurted.
She tugged a little more. "And?"
"Um, a dozen of those rubbers. Medium."
Tug. "And?"
"Oh jeez… I think I need a couple of those dildo things."
Tug-tug.
"Four dildos. I need four."
Rubba-tug-tug.
"Six. And a dozen cock rings."
Tug-tug-rubba-tug.
"Oh, please… Eight dildos! And a gross of rubbers! And a dozen nipple
clamps!"
Tug-rubba-tug-tug, tug-tug.
BOOM! I went off, losing my balance and almost collapsing on the floor as my dick
happily shot away inside that baggy rubber.
Mandy promised to come back next Saturday with more stuff. It`s a good thing I get paid
again Friday. Can you buy groceries with a credit card?
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