Prologue
“Does this train stop at Farmingdale?”
Funny how the sound of a voice can trigger reflections, a startled Roger Armsworth Todd
thinks to himself... and in this case, twinges deep within his loins as well.
He looks up and stares incredulously while a polite fellow passenger answers
affirmatively. The woman steps aboard. Roger ducks his head.
Though he has never seen the woman, she has most certainly seen him. More than seen him
really. She examined, inspected and palpated his entire naked form. Conflicting thoughts
overwhelm as her voice causes memories to cascade. He feels the anger of having been
violated. He feels an odd poignancy. He senses rapture. He feels the need to learn more.
Something calls for revenge but something inside also suggests congeniality, a need to get
closer to her. Deep within he’d like to know her better. But for what purpose?
He knows what a punished dog feels like... there is an instinct to strike in
retaliation... there is a sense of acceptance for being deservedly rebuked by a loving
owner.
The woman steps past Roger’s seat. He looks down to hide his face. She does not notice
him.
Roger spies white shoes and the hem of a white cotton skirt beneath her coat.
A nurse! Yes, it is she!
Uniformed woman, naked male... how much time... how many times... together without ever
seeing her face or knowing her full name. Nurse Rachel, she suggested she be called. Her
moniker mentally morphed to Nurse Ratched... and Roger doubts it was even her real first
name.
Roger’s stop is nearby Woodside, Queens. Farmingdale is a comparatively long way out on
Long Island. Should he stay on the train and seek more?
‘More what?’ he inquires of himself.
He’ll need to pay additional fare. Plus he will be in violation of the terms of his
release. Worth the money and the risk?
The train leaves Penn Station in 10 minutes. Woodside is an early stop. Roger has
moments to make a decision. Meanwhile he chances, turning his head and glancing back.
Though the woman looks down into her purse for her train ticket, he can note the handsome
features. Auburn hair, neatly wrapped atop her head, receptive to the cap which would
complete her nurse’s ensemble. Makeup neat and not overly done. She is broad shouldered
and tall, quite obvious even while she sits. Her image does not precisely match what he
imagined during all those times of lying blindfolded and naked before her... beneath her?
But it is close, and he is strangely disappointed that she is pretty. He wished her to be
a brute, ugly in appearance to match her strict demeanor.
But she is not!
Is he in love? Was he in love during the many stressful interludes with her?
What is this strange attraction?
The psychologist warned of the potential when the experimental program began. A possible
corollary of the ‘Stockholm syndrome’, so some speculated.
And now he sits contemplating a gross infraction of the rules... so he can be with her
one more time. Curious behavior.
He mind flashes to three years before...
***
Visit Number One – The Beginning
“The terms of your early release require that you participate in this experimental
program. It is voluntary. You may return to Sing Sing Correctional Facility any time. Do
you understand that, Mr. Todd?”
There comes a nod. The woman returns the nod without emotion.
“Good. Be on time. Upon arrival, you will go to the assigned examination room. Close the
door behind you. Remove your clothing then follow instructions precisely. Be obedient.
Answer all questions promptly and honestly. Just as you can volunteer to return to
incarceration, for disobedience we can ourselves ban you from the program and have you
returned.”
The intonation is smooth and professional, but interpreted as threatening. Returning to
prison a felon who has done three years of hard time very much rattles the spirit. Roger
calms himself, inwardly promising full compliance as next come the fateful words.
“You will never see or know your tending nurse. You’ll be provided with a first name for
communication but she will otherwise have anonymity for her own protection. And Mr. Todd,
don’t succumb to romantic feelings. This is all clinical. Think of it as a medical
procedure. Opponents to our experimental program have argued the possibility of a modified
Stockholm Syndrome result... the well studied incident during which hostages became
amorously attracted to their captors. I think that since you’re here voluntarily, that
won’t happen.”
Roger, well educated, well read, is aware of the notoriety of the failed Swedish bank
robbery. The thieves took hostages for many days. After eventual surrender and arrest, the
released women felt a bond with the robbers and demurred in testifying against their
captors. One even married a culprit.
“After your session with the nurse you are to return here to my office to be debriefed.
Any questions?”
“No, ma’am.”
“Then go to examination room three and remove your clothes,” the psychologist smirks.
In ordering a man to strip naked, the sang froid turns to a wicked look of mirth.
The humbled ex con leaves the well accoutered office and steps to the austere linoleum
hallway. A more prideful Roger Armsworth Todd would years before tell the woman to jam her
proposed program of therapy up her ass. But not now. In volunteering to participate in
this program for sex offenders, he is out from behind bars. Six years early!
‘The girl said she was eighteen, your Honor!’ Roger recalls his futile plea.
She was not. Statutory rape. Seven years in Sing Sing. Registration as a sex offender.
The downfall of 31 year old Roger Armsworth Todd. One time wealthy investment banker. Now
a cleaner of toilets.
But worse was being caught violating one of the direst rules of Sing Sing Correctional
Facility... masturbation! In the first year of incarceration a female guard caught him
pleasuring himself in an area Roger did not realize was under video surveillance. With two
more tacked on to his sentence, seven years became nine. There also came further
validation that he was indeed a repeat sex offender, and a rather humiliating video
permanently placed in his curriculum vitae of sex crimes.
Roger finds room three. He opens the door to see a standard medical examination room,
except for one distinguishing piece of equipment. Abutting one wall there is an exam
table. At its head there is connected a length of glimmering stainless steel. It
transverses the table and both right end and left extend out to the sides. Each end has a
padded semi circular opening. In the middle, on the table, is a larger third padded semi
circular opening.
Stocks! Medieval in design, contemporary in its fabrication of modern alloy, there can
be no doubt the open semi circles are receptacles for neck and wrists. And on the wall
above, Roger notes there are hooks with hanging cables attached.
Roger obediently removes his clothing. Strip searches were just about weekly events at
Sing Sing. The cavities of prisoners were regularly checked at random intervals. Thus it
is without forethought that he quickly peels. As he folds his clothing on a waiting
counter, a voice booms over a loudspeaker.
“Very good, Mr. Todd. Now please lie supine on the table, neck in the center of the
steel where you’ll note padding, then place the blindfold over your head.”
It is the first time he hears the woman’s voice, that which brings such conflicting
memories.
While mounting the table he spies the blindfold. When he lies back he slips it over his
eyes and the voice returns.
“Now reach out to the right and left and place your wrists within the padded
indentations.”
The room obviously has video somewhere. The woman is tracking his movements.
“Good boy. Now hold still.”
With that comes the whir of small motors. Roger feels his wrists and neck being
encapsulated in steel. The stocks are modern indeed... automatic locks! When the hum stops
he notes he cannot move his arms. Likewise his neck is firmly but comfortably encircled in
padded metal.
He hears the door open. The voice no longer booms through a loudspeaker.
“I am Nurse Rachel,” she proclaims with authority as there come the sounds of the door
being latched.
Roger hears the frou frou of a starched cotton skirt and the quiet squeaks of rubber
soled shoes on the polished linoleum. He feels fingers about his face. The blindfold is
adjusted then buckled behind his head. What little room light leaked through the edges
disappears to bring complete darkness. Her fingers lock onto his right ear and tenderly
roll the cartilage. It feels good. It soothes.
“I read your file, Mr. Todd. Statutory rape and the gross violation of prison rules. The
video was rather graphic. You masturbate with determination,” her fingers rolling as she
speaks.
Roger cannot see the polite smile. The choice of words suggests sarcasm but the
intonation is quite professional.
“Hopefully our program will change some habits and proclivities.”
Roger feels more fingering. She begins to examine. The flesh on his right arm is gently
pinched and kneaded. While inspecting, Nurse Rachel speaks.
“We’ll begin each session with a standard but rather thorough medical examination. We’re
going to get to know each other very well.”
She does indeed. Roger recalls his induction to Sing Sing in which every square inch of
his body was closely examined... ostensibly for pediculosis... lice... but he later
learned from experienced prisoners that the procedure was just one of the guards’ methods
for establishing control. Indeed, lying helpless with a woman closely examining everywhere
brings a feeling of obsequiousness.
Nostrils, mouth, teeth... Nurse Rachel works her way down. Then comes a stab to the
right arm. A blood sample is taken.
“Good boy. We’ll test with each visit. Now, roll for me, as best you can. First to your
left.”
It is a command and, though rigidly held, Roger moves his hips accordingly to reveal
much flesh of his back and posterior.
“When did you last have sex?” Nurse Rachel inquires as her fingers seem to flutter
about.
“I am not permitted to have relations, ma’am.”
“Ah hah. Have you masturbated? When?”
“Two days ago, ma’am.”
3
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