CHAPTER 1.
"Don`t you ever just get sick of everything, sometimes? I mean, what is the purpose
of all this? Fuck, I just get so tired of this whole damn city and the blank faces on
these streets, the money hustle, the patheticness of this whole race, and nobody wins,
now, do they? I get so fucking frustrated. SO much fucking attitude in this fucking
community. What a fucked life, I swear.
I feel like I`m 29 going on 60. Goodbye youth. Wherever the hell it went, I`ll never
know."
Leda took a long breath and thrust her hands deep into the front pockets of her jeans,
resting her chin on the stiff collar of her brown bomber jacket. Her short almost black
hair was moussed into a myriad of soft spikes and her small, round glasses reflected the
streetlights and the headlights of cars that passed as she and her lover walked down
Market Street. It was a cool, crisp San Francisco night, a little after 8:00 o`clock, and
they were on their way to the video store to rent a video. It was Chrys` idea. Leda
couldn`t get excited about anything tonight. Her answer had been, "What the hell, why
not escape into the illusion of living. Makes the reality of our own lack of life a little
easier to take, right?"
"I`ll take that as a yes," Chrys had answered, and they`d hopped into the car
and come on down to the video store.
Chrys sighed and looked in shop windows or watched the people as they passed. She was
used to this sort of rambling from Leda, but the last few weeks had been just a little
more intense than usual.
"You know, you`re sort of like a volcano," Chrys said.
"How`s that?" Leda returned, a little defensive.
"Just when I think you`re only simmering over the state of the world and your boring
life, as usual, you build up this incredible pitch and I`m never sure if you`re going to
just blow and wipe out all living things in a thousand mile radius or just go back to
simmering again." She chuckled quietly, pleased with her analogy.
"That`s cute, sweetheart," Leda said sarcastically. "At least I`m exotic,
then, right? One-of-a-kind." Leda smiled curtly at Chrys, then shook her head a
little and said, under her breath, "Yeahhhh, and dangerous ... watch out, you never
know what might set me off, babe."
Chrys heard this last addition, but knew better than to respond; she`d lived with Leda
nearly a decade, and although there had been growth and changes in both of them over the
years, Leda`s basic personality seemed to stay pretty much the same. Or at least Chrys had
thought so, until just recently. Leda seemed to be changing almost daily, and this round
of discontentment seemed to be for real, not just a passing fancy.
Change wasn`t something Chrys liked a lot of. She preferred consistency; a sturdy
foundation that one could count on; calm and certainty and a steady pace.
She had some tiny inkling that this steady pace was about to drive Leda crazy.
"Come on, let`s just get a movie and have a nice relaxing evening, okay? Can we do
that?" Chrys asked, her voice a little edgy, irritated. "No fighting, no
bitching, just for tonight, alright? Then you can start all over tomorrow,
refreshed."
The light changed and they crossed the street.
"Fine, Chrys, whatever you want," Leda answered flatly as they entered the
store.
But somewhere deep inside Leda, there a bomb ticking, about to explode, a dark little
tremor that was about to break out into a full-fledged earthquake; she could feel it
beneath her skin, pushing at the confines of her body and the present state of her life.
This couldn`t be it, just couldn`t be what she`d been put here for, this mundane
existence, 5-day workweek and video rentals on the weekends.
This nice little marriage was strangling her. She sometimes felt like screaming at all
hours of the night, couldn`t sleep and had nightmares or twisted dreams like little trips
through mazes she couldn`t get out of.
Leda wasn`t sure she could sit through one ore stupid, mindless, family entertainment new
release. She was sick of viewing other people`s lives; it was time to have one of her
own--the kind of life she really wanted--before she became another casualty of caution.
Leda loved Chrys, more than anyone she`d ever been with before. But something had to be
done before she self-destructed and the whole damn relationship went up in flames.
Flames, yes, that was what she needed: heat and passion and a little danger, a little of
the unknown, the wild, the intensity she`d left behind with her youth.
Maybe she hadn`t lost her youth at all, Leda thought, but just her daring spirit and the
hunger for a good challenge. Yes. All she really needed was someone to give her a good
challenge like she hadn`t had in years. Yeah. And it was time to start looking for it.
Because something had to give.
Something big.
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