THREE WAYS TO GET YOUR OWN WAY
First, there was the beginning. In this beginning there was no laughter. Absolute silence
in a stunning seriousness and empty void. There was no irreverence, nor was there time to
be silly, for this was before the magic. The universe, for so many solemn people, was
without form.
By chance there was a fluctuation, and a set of points, emerging from this nothingness,
momentarily defining happiness. This was the time of rudimentary laughter. It did not
last, collapsing back into an incipient humorless world, for it was not yet the time of
the bawdy joke, or the coming of the Bard to tell such tales.
Then by chance, perhaps a cosmic comic story, came a new fluctuation. Points came again
into existence, and in this time they had dimensions and form, and most of all they had
hilarity, they bubbled with primordial mirth and absurdity.
A geometry was born that had complexity and sophistication. From the elements, which had
no space and time, came a voice, and the words filled the void and it brought--laughter.
Throughout the cosmos, the mythmaker spoke and the people heard and they were amused. And
in these coiled particles of happiness a wave of joy spread, touching, caressing and
loving everything, to bring a smile to the face of the Earth.
This was the time of the Wizard. The world would never take itself seriously again.
* * * *
Erdac had been formed geologically at about the same time as a two-mile meteorite hit the
Earth. Well, that was the story the locals told the tourists. Their tale went something
like this. The skies darkened, the heavens called out in a thunderous voice and from the
west came a mighty rock, which had been traveling all alone through the deep depths of
space. So, gullible people that is why the mountain of Erdac is a sheer perpendicular face
for you outsiders to climb, and why on our side of the valley it is a gentle slope. Do you
understand? No, neither do we.
Absolute rubbish. What was the truth? For many, many years, the folk of Erdac had been
digging on the East side of the mountain to make a series of nice-and-easy steps, so they
could reach the summit in a comfortable stroll. However, on the Western side, where the
road brought all the tourists, they`d deliberately made the face even more vertical. Why?
That`s the way the visitors approached the mountain and they needed assistance to get to
the top. Local guides, rope, plenty of food, energy drinks--it all cost money, and the
locals were very keen to fleece the outsiders in providing this service.
"But why can`t we just go around the mountain and climb it from the other
side?" Gwillam von Horsetrap asked his aged father. The patron of the family shook
his head in disbelief. How could any son of his could be so stupid?
"Gwillam, we have traveled far to reach this holy mountain and it is written we must
approach its magic summit from the west," old Herman von Horsetrap said, giving the
young man a contemptuous look and a smart rap on the back of the head with his gold topped
cane. Just beyond father and son, the three young sisters of the family giggled at the
idiocy of their brother. He was not known as Horsetrap Dickhead junior for nothing.
"Remember why we are here, in this backward and outlandish place," the old man
announced. They all knew why, but equally were aware Mr. Von Horsetrap was going to
lecture them once again.
"We are a noble and privileged family who know their place in the universe and our
duties in life. What are those obligations?"
"To come on a pilgrimage to this place, father," they chimed in unison.
"And what is the real reason, my children?"
"To steal the land and plunder the precious stones rumored to be in these mountains,
father."
Herman von Horsetrap nodded and put his hand delicately on his heart. He was checking to
make sure his wallet was still in place. As the family stared up at the mountain an old
woman appeared, herding her goats, their quaint bells tinkling in the early morning clear
air.
Herman held his cane up to arrest her weary journey.
"Hold fast, ancient woman. Take this coin to ease your day and tarry while I ask you
a few simple questions."
She smiled at him, in a way the peasants were suppose to do, but thought, the stupid
dickhead must be from the city, talking in that ridiculous mannered way.
"We are seeking enlightenment," Herman pompously said.
"And precious metals," Gwillam added, receiving another whack from his father`s
cane for his silly indiscretion.
The old woman looked beyond Herman at his three pretty daughters, and immediately knew
what to say.
"You don`t want to talk to me, kind sir. I ain`t nothing but a simple soul who has
no idea that the gold, silver, and diamonds found in these mountains are worth a fortune.
Oh, no, you want to talk to Emy the Wizard."
"And where may I find this wise man, my dim-witted peasant woman?"
"He lives a simple life up on the side of the mountain, where the sacred lake laps
gently at the feet of this cunning sage," she answered.
"Will he welcome our intrusion, good woman?" Herman asked, throwing her another
base metal coin. She patted the goat and again looked at the three luscious women, with
their fancy clothes, tightly pulled bodices uplifting ample bosoms, and innocent faces.
"Oh yes, sir. He`ll welcome your visit."
As the von Horsetrap family walked arrogantly away, the old woman muttered with a
cackling laugh.
"When he sees you three beauties, his wand is going to go into overdrive."
* * * *
They`d hired five donkeys. Four of which were stupid and the fifth was both stupid and
stubborn. After thirty minutes the von Horsetraps gave up and walked the winding path. The
climb was high, they`d gone beyond the tree line, the mountainside now being bare rock
and, in the high pass above, the first sprinkling of early winter snow.
"Is that it?" Gwillam pointed at the wooden house, perched out on a ledge, a
sheer drop one side, and the crystal clear waters of a lake the other. Before anyone could
answer him, the door opened and a figure walked toward them.
"Greetings, are you Emy the Wizard?" Herman asked the tall man before him. The
wizard looked over his shoulder and whistled at the donkeys as they were demolishing part
of the vegetable patch. Gwillam came up to the door, remaining silent as he was overawed
by the height of the wizard.
"Do they belong to you?" Emy smiled politely. Herman half-looked around.
"No, we borrowed them in the village, then rode them for a while."
The wizard grinned. "I was talking about those young ladies."
Mr. von Horsetrap coughed at his embarrassment and tried to regain his dignity.
"They are my daughters, Wizard."
Emy licked his tongue over his wide mouth, rolled his blue eyes and to Herman and Gwillam
he bowed formally, but to the women he winked when their father and brother had gone past,
entering the wooden cabin. Emy stood back, allowing the three ladies to also go in, giving
the last one an ever so slight affectionate pat on an ever so pert rounded ass.
"Now then ... what do I call you? Herman began.
"Anything you like, as long as it`s not before ten in the morning. I just love the
day to be well aired before I get to see it," the Wizard shrugged, taking a seat and
gesturing for the von Horsetraps to sit as well.
"I`ll get straight to the matter in hand," Herman continued. "I`ve been
told you can help us locate the precious metals in these mountains. Is that true Mr.
Wizard? There`ll be a big reward if you can help us."
Emy pushed his slightly disheveled hair back, and tapped his fingers on the wand he held
in his hand.
"That is true, Mr. Von Horsetrap. And I could at this very instant draw you a map of
how to find these jewels. But alas just at the moment my health is not too good." The
wizard smiled at them, then his eyes lit up and before von Horsetrap could say anything,
added, "However, if one of your daughters could stay behind and look after me, I
think I could find the strength to provide you with that map."
Within ten minutes, Herman, son Gwillam and two of his daughters were marching from the
cabin, map in hand and anxious looks on their faces, keen to find the precious stones and
become even richer.
As the door closed, the Wizard held out a hand to Auric, the pretty daughter left behind
to look after him, and patting his knee said, "Sit here my lovely and stroke my wand.
It`s an action that never fails to stiffen my resolve against illness."
* * * *
"Oh, Wizard, what tricks can you perform with such a wand?" Auric asked, her
long blonde eyelashes fluttering in both shyness and amazement at the length of the wand.
"It truly is magic," she said, "one minute it wasn`t in sight and the next
moment it is standing up proud and noble."
Emy tenderly ran his fingers over Auric`s fine silk hair, letting her take in the full
majesty of his wand.
"Would you like to see an even greater trick, Auric?"
"If your health is okay, I`d love to. Tell me what it is?"
The wizard nibbled at her neck, whispering these words. "I can get you to say my
name three times, and the last time you will shout it with joy."
"That would truly be amazing, Wizard," Auric cooed.
"Stand up in front of me, Auric." She did as he bid. He undid her dress and
slipped the top down, dexterously unclasping her bra. Placing his hands on her breasts he
leaned forward and sucked her nipples passionately.
"Oh, Emy," she giggled.
Engaging her attractive eyes with the twinkle in his, the Wizard continued to undress
Auric, taking her dress off, then with much appreciation, removing her stockings and
lastly the minutest G-string, attempting to cover her moist clitoris. Pushing her legs
apart, not an action she much resisted, he knelt before her and burying his head in her
sex, licked deep and slowly into her beautiful jewel.
"Oh, Emy," Auric moaned.
Finally, he turned her around, admiring the firmness and display of her ass, stood up and
gently bent her over to touch her toes, pressed close and let the wand find satisfaction
in the wetness of her cunt. One quick shove and then a rapid series of trusts brought
forth, "Oh, Emmmmy," from Miss Auric von Horsetrap.
The Wizard had performed the trick. The rest of the noises made by the young lady were
somewhat more earthy and consisted of such well known rejoinders as "More," and
"Oh my god," and don`t stop," and even "fucking hell."
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