Chapter 1
Guilt washes over me to this day when I remember wishing things could have happened
differently, especially when I realize the outcome would have been so much worse than it
actually was if a single thing had occurred any other way. The thought of such horror
anywhere near my small town never even entered my mind and the day I was confronted with
it was a shock, to say the least.
Being a lesbian in such a tiny community wouldn’t generally seem to be a very good
idea, but in reality the only people who ever condemned me for it were my own parents.
Growing up with them was a daunting task to begin with since they would settle for nothing
less than a perfect child. Instead they were stuck with me and I was far from flawless.
They should have known I wasn’t going to measure up when I refused to leave my mother’s
womb and was eventually evicted by surgical means. I did my best to live up to their
demands, but once school was over it was easy to see my life would never meet their
expectations and only then would I come out to them. The hostile attitudes emanating from
my parents greatly encouraged me to quickly get a job and move away from what was once my
home.
Through those times I realized I had the best friends anyone could ever hope to
have in their life. Nora Bresch, Jean Frauski, Leslie Traff and Ann Green knew I was gay,
but it never seemed to bother them in the least. When the four girls gave up their dreams
of college life to work side-by-side with me as nurse’s aides, I was mostly happy to know
they would still be around. I didn’t truly appreciate how important they were to me until
a few years later.
Caution was not only tossed out the window after the girls threw me a 22nd birthday
party, but it was also given wings so it would fly completely away without even leaving a
trace of my ever having any. Around then, my desire to be part of a long-term
relationship became stronger than my previous sense of self-preservation. Only when it
was too late would I be able to see there wasn’t an ounce of love or common-sense involved
with anything I would do for a very long time.
Continuing on with the celebration the following weekend led the five of us to one
of the nastiest bars in town. The place was a total dive, but on nights when there was a
band playing, it was generally packed with people and always so much fun. That night
wasn’t turning out to be any different, other than one new element.
We had been dancing for at least an hour when I first noticed her watching me. I
guess I could be considered pretty enough to look at, or at least cute. I kept my
dishwater-blonde hair shoulder-length because it was so much easier to wash and head out
when I was running late for work. My brown eyes were dark and I wasn’t skinny, but I
wasn’t overweight either. That night I wore a white silk dress with spaghetti straps so I
was looking fairly good and feeling even better.
Upon first noticing Jaide, I was instantly attracted to her tomboy appearance which
was definitely out of the norm for me. She was wearing ripped jeans, motorcycle boots, a
football jersey and a black leather jacket. Her dark brown hair was cut much shorter than
my own and I immediately began glancing in her direction more than not.
After some very extreme dancing, Nora, Jean and Ann were off flirting while Leslie
went to get us another round of drinks at the bar. Personally, I was heading out back for
some seriously needed fresh air. The door closed behind me and I stepped off to the right
of it to lean against the building. When it opened and shut again, I glanced towards the
person to see my mystery girl sidling in beside me.
“You’ve been watching me,” I observed.
“You’ve been watching me.”
“You’re not from around here.”
“How do you know that?”
“It’s a small town.”
“You’re from here?”
“Born and raised.”
“I’m Jaide Laise.”
“Arissa Tommins.”
“You here with anyone?”
“You’ve been watching so why don’t you tell me.”
“Well, you’re here with four other girls, but you’ve mostly been dancing with just
one of them, so I’m not sure.”
“No, I’m not here with anyone. We’ve all been friends since grade school and we
work together.”
“Where do you work?”
“The nursing home here in town. What about you?”
“I have the best job ever, talking to pretty girls.”
“Shouldn’t you be getting to that then?”
“I am,” she grinned.
With absolutely no reasoning behind it, I was instantly drawn to Jaide and all I
could see was a bright, shiny future with her. No negative thoughts were allowed to enter
my mind because I closed the door on every single one of them. This was going to be the
relationship I dreamed of and no sense of logic was permitted to spoil my vision.
Back inside, I wound up leaving my friends in order to sit in a booth and get
better acquainted with Jaide. In hindsight, I should have been more suspicious when she
avoided every personal question I asked, but she had something I was instantly drawn
towards and there was no fighting it even if I wanted to. She was funny, had a great
smile and her laugh was one of the greatest I ever heard. It didn’t matter that I knew
nothing about her; the only thing entering my mind at the moment was that I wanted to be
with her more than I ever wanted anything else in my life.
Once the band played their final set, Leslie walked over to let me know she and the
girls were going to an after-bar party. When Jaide noticed my hesitation, she instantly
offered to give me a ride home and my smile grew as I quickly accepted. Leslie didn’t
seem at all pleased as she left us alone again, but I knew how she loved to mother the
four of us and shrugged off her behavior without a second thought.
While Nora, Jean and Ann were giving me cat-whistles and making lewd comments,
Leslie did nothing more than stare at me. I waved them away as Jaide and I made our way
down the street towards her vehicle.
“So they know you’re gay?” Jaide asked.
“I’ve don’t hide it and they’ve never seemed to mind.”
“That’s cool.”
“Yeah. They’re mostly okay when they aren’t being obnoxious.”
“I’m parked down there,” she announced, pointing to a van down the street.
I was most definitely nervous when I saw the van, but it wasn’t enough to stop me
from getting in as she opened the door and once the motor was running I gave her
directions to my apartment.
“Do you have any roommates?”
“One, but she has her own room.”
“I really wanna spend the night with you someplace private.”
“I’d really like to spend the night with you too.”
Jaide leaned toward me as I met her halfway for a very gentle kiss and rather than
discussing my roommate situation any further, I directed her to a small fishing area about
2 minutes out of town. She pulled the van into a position which allowed us to look out
over the lake where the moon threw reflective sparkles off the windblown ripples of water.
The entire night seemed magical to me for some reason.
Before reaching around me to lock the passenger door, Jaide locked hers and then
she held out her hand to lead me through a curtain where a bed was set up.
“How convenient,” I observed.
With nothing more than a smile, she reached her hand up to gently brush my cheek
before leaning in to deliver another perfect kiss.
It had been a while since I’d been with anyone, especially when meeting women in my
small town was always more happenstance than anything you might see in the bigger cities.
Sex between Jaide and me that night was exceptionally awesome and so incredible when Jaide
made me feel as though she was enjoying every single part of me as much as I was reveling
in her. It was the first time I truly felt special and most definitely a feeling I wanted
to hold onto.
The following morning I could feel someone staring at me and opened my eyes to find
Jaide smiling as she watched me sleep.
“Good morning,” I purred, softly touching her arm.
“Good morning.”
“I must look awful,” I insisted, instantly running my fingers through my hair.
“You look beautiful,” she returned, moving in to kiss me.
One kiss led to another lovemaking session before Jaide drove me home and asked for
my phone number. I let her know the next two days were wide open for me and waved as she
slowly drove away.
Unlocking the apartment door, I noticed the brightly colored post-it hanging at
eye-level and yanked it off before attempting to read the thing. My roommate Miranda
Simms was a bit of a post-it nut, or maybe an all-around nut, I was never really sure.
The first time I met her was during my hunt for a place to live and she scared me half to
death when she answered the door. The woman was close to six feet tall and probably
topped the scales at 300 pounds. I know it’s a mean thing to say, but she didn’t even
have one of those faces that would be considered pretty if she took off some weight.
Miranda seemed nice enough at the time, but she was definitely a bit off. Even
though she lived alone, there were post-its hanging all around the apartment. I wanted to
be completely honest with her as she asked about me and explained straight out that I was
a lesbian. She must have gone on for at least 20 minutes about how she didn’t believe in
‘that sort of thing’ and if I did move in I had better not ever try anything with her. I
assured her it wasn’t a problem and she allowed me to move in the following week.
The apartment was in a perfect location so I could walk to work should the need
arise. I definitely wondered if I made a mistake in not taking Leslie up on the offer to
move in with her family once I opened the fridge to put my food away and saw the ‘M’s on
everything inside. The best I could manage was an eye-roll and a smile as I tried my best
to stay out of my new roommate’s way.
It was about two weeks after moving in when she stood between me and the television
holding one of her brightly colored notes out to me. In vain I attempted to look around
her so as not to miss any of the movie, but eventually I had to stare her in the face,
something I attempted to avoid on a regular basis.
“You know, these notes are up for a reason!”
“Did I miss one?” I asked.
“I don’t think you need to be sarcastic!”
“Well lighten up! I pay attention to the rest of your post-its! I’m sorry if I
missed one!”
She was speechless, but it only lasted for a moment as she shoved the note at me.
After studying it for a moment, I shook my head at her.
“I didn’t miss this one,” I stated. “I couldn’t understand it.”
“Please clean toilet!”
“Really?” I asked, staring at it again. “I don’t see it.”
Ripping the note from my fingers, Miranda stormed off to her bedroom and slammed
the door. From that day on, she refused to talk to me unless it was absolutely
unavoidable. The following four years were basically like living with my parents, except
with Miranda I really didn’t care if she ignored me.
As I walked into the apartment trying to decipher the post-it, a nasty odor hit me
in the nostrils and I instantly knew it was laundry day. Miranda was a biscuit maker at
the only fast food restaurant in town and it always amazed me how her uniforms always
smelled so much worse than mine.
Putting a large question mark on the slip of paper, I then stuck it to the front of
the fridge before moving on to take care of a few things around the apartment including a
thick spray of air freshener. I was about to take a shower when the phone rang and I
picked it up to find Leslie’s voice greeting me.
“So, how’d it go last night?”
“Hello to you too Leslie.”
“Yeah, yeah so who is she? Where is she from? What does she do? Are you seeing
her again?”
“Her name is Jaide Laise. I don’t know where she’s from or what she does and I gave
her my phone number so we’ll see.”
“You two talked forever. She told you nothing?”
“Not really.”
“Doesn’t that seem a little strange Riss?”
“She was great in bed. Does that count for anything?”
“So you know nothing about her and you slept with her anyway?”
“Okay Les, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing! Just seems odd is all. You’re an adult, you can do what you want,” she
snapped.
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