Suzie saw the man sitting in the cafeteria next to the courts, in blue pants and a
plain blue shirt, eating a hamburger. Suzie heard that he was a fake lawyer who used the
system any way he could, knowing he didn`t have to be an accredited member of the bar to
bring a lawsuit … and that he made his living off the settlements of such frivolous law
suits, if what she had heard about him was true. She had seen him around before: he had
a pleasant face, clean-shaven and pretty, and that annoyed her, so much that Suzie was
thinking about going over and talking to him.
She worked for a sizeable law firm and she saw how much money was changing hands there
in these courts, and it irked her to see someone who didn`t take the system as seriously
as she did. Before she went over to him, she thought that she`d open a few buttons, and
she did, just so he`d catch some glimpse of her breasts as she sat down, which he did when
she put her tray on the table across from him … “Mind if I sit here?”
She had long blond hair and big tits, and a face to match, and she never really expected
to be rejected.
“Sure,” he said. His name was Henry, she thought.
“I`ve seen you here before. Are you a lawyer, or …?”
“Not really. Why?”
“I am … when I`m not hooking.” She played with her curls flirtatiously. “What do you
do for a living, if I may ask?”
“My office is a few blocks away,” he said. “Want to see?” He ate some fries and
shrugged his shoulders.
“What do you do there? Let me guess … you think up frivolous law suits.”
“It`s true, I`m at the courts all the time. I don`t see where you`re getting all the
rest.”
She opened her shirt still more, pretending she was straightening the collar. “I`ve
heard that you`re using the system.”
“What does that mean?”
Suzie figured that he was right. “I`m just tired, I guess.”
“If you`d like to see my office,” he said.
“Sure,” she said, leaving her lunch on the table. “Let`s go,” she said, standing.
It turned out Henry`s business didn`t even have a sign: it was just a door in a line of
commercial units a few blocks away from the courts. They went inside, and there was a
desk covered in legal contracts and a cell phone display next to the wall. “I need a new
cell contract,” Suzie said, looking at the single room unit. “So what terms can you give
me? What if you give me half the normal price?”
“I have a contract,” Henry said, looking at the contracts, while she went to the rack
and knocked one of the phones to the ground while pretending to look at it, and she had to
bend over in order to pick it up. “Here it is,” he said.
She walked over to the desk with her hair dishevelled, and looked at the long contract …
several pages long.
“This is the best price I can offer,” he said, showing her the figure in pencil.
“I`ll take it,” she said, and she put the phone she had dropped on the desk, happy she
had come.
A few days later, a woman came to her downtown office, with dark hair and a shapely
figure. “I asked to speak to a trial lawyer like you,” said the pretty young woman. “I
signed a cell phone contract, without reading the fine print … and it turns out one of the
clauses says I have to take off my clothes at a strip club called the Booty Section.”
The woman`s name was Clare, and she was full of nervous energy as she showed Suzie the
contract. “You see this clause here? It`s buried on the ninth page. It says, And in
consideration of having a cellular service the payee shall perform a dance at the Booty
Section on a date to be determined by the provider, and at the end of said dance the payee
shall not have clothes, with the exception of shoes, although not necessarily shall the
payee have shoes at the end of said dance.” Clare handed Suzie the contract. She sat
down as Suzie read the clause, and then jumped up from the chair she was in and started
pacing nervously.
Suzie looked at the first page … the contract was similar to the one she had signed
several days ago. The provider was a numbered company. She looked at her client, and
said, “This is certainly very unusual.”
“All I wanted was a phone. Today, I got a letter in the mail, a notice, I have to
either defend it, which is why I`m talking to you, or I have to strip at the Booty
Section. Right now I`m thinking I ought to take off my clothes … can I have my
contract?”
“Not so fast,” said Suzie, holding onto it very tightly. “I doubt this will hold up in
court. I`m sure it won`t.”
Clare grabbed the contract and threatened to leave. “Who needs this trouble anyway?
I`ve read it now. The contract gives the company the exclusive right to give me my phone
for the next two years. I can`t live without a phone for two years.”
“I don`t think it will hold up in court,” said Suzie. “I`m not sure how I`ll present
the case, but I`ll do it for free.”
Clare stopped going for the door for a moment and said, “You`ll do it for free?”
“Yes.” Suzie was thinking about her own contract, and wondering if it was the same
company.
“Here`s the Notice of Action,” Clare said, removing it from her purse, handing it to
Suzie.
The company at the top of the notice was named 6354793 … on the way home after work,
Suzie thought about the number. Then, when she got to her apartment, she looked for the
contract she signed, and found it, and the provider she was with was the same.
She went through the pages until she discovered the clause, saying that she was supposed
to strip at the place called the Booty Section. She laughed. She wasn`t ashamed of her
body, but the thought of taking off her clothes in front of a strip club full of strangers
was the furthest thing from her mind. It might actually be easier than taking it to
court, as Clare said, but she didn`t know the courts as well as Suzie did.
So the next day, she went to get a date for Clare`s trial, but the clerk at the court
said that the date had already been set, so it wasn`t necessary to see Henry anyway. So
Suzie called her client to tell her about the date, and then went to her office, hoping
there wasn`t a notice waiting for her about the same contract.
She showed up in court on the day of the trial, and Clare wasn’t there. But opposing
counsel was: to her disbelief she saw Henry walk down the aisle wearing his blue shirt …
she had come to believe it was someone else behind this, not him … in fact, she had come
to believe that he never even read the contract himself.
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