She realized her mistake immediately. Standing in a sheer baby doll that covered
but did not conceal, she felt so exposed…and stupid. Turning his back to her was more
than she could bear. She bolted for the door, grabbing her overnight bag on her way.
“Cass, don’t go like that, Cass!” He reached out to her to catch her arm but she
was moving much too quickly.
“Let me go. Just, I have to go. I...” but the words wouldn’t come. She didn’t
even turn as she ran out of his bedroom. Grabbing her coat by the door, she hastily threw
it around her shoulders as she ran out into the hallway of the apartment building.
Without regard for decency, or safety, she ran out of the building and toward her car.
The only thought still lingering in her head was her mission to get the hell out of here
and to the safety of her parents’ home. She dared not go back to her apartment; he’d
likely follow her there.
As she drove into the rainy night toward her parents’ home, the mobile rang
incessantly. Glancing down at the ID, it was him, again. “I am never, never going to
answer his call,” she silently vowed. Pursing her lips she realized that she still had on
the “Racy-Red” lipstick she purchased earlier that day. Christ, “Racy-Red?” I may as
well have bought a price tag for myself, “free to a good home.”
Almost there, she realized that she couldn’t exactly walk into her parents’ house
wearing the sheer baby doll and stockings. Certainly the heels would raise their
eyebrows, but seeing their daughter in a see-through, peek-a-boo baby doll would probably
make them vomit. The “Racy-Red” had to go as well. She pulled over to the shoulder, made
sure all the doors were locked, but as she struggled to reach her bag, she realized that
her coat had caught in the door. Cursing under her breath she jerked the trench-coat off
her shoulders and kicked it to the floor and under her seat. She began pulling her
regular clothes out of her overnight bag. She was searching for the make-up bag. She had
bought some facial make-up remover cloths specifically to remove the Racy-Red. Things
turned out quite a bit differently than she’d imagined when she thought of herself
delicately removing her make-up in his bathroom, wearing a post-coitus glow of a newly
born woman. A rap at the window scared her half to death. Looking through the glass she
saw her oldest and best friend standing in the rain.
Rolling down the passenger window she shouted, “Ted?!! What are you doing out
there?”
“I could ask you the same thing, Cass. You gonna let me in or do we have this
conversation with me standing in the freaking rain?” Well, she couldn’t argue with that.
Forgetting her wardrobe, she hit the unlock button and watched him slide into the
passenger seat. He naturally placed her overnight bag on his lap as he got in. “Ugh,
where you go-…” but the rest of his sentence didn’t happen as his eyes turned to look at
her. After a few awkward moments of silent staring with his mouth hung open, he finally
spoke, “what the hell are you wearing?”
Covering her breasts with her hands and attempting to cross her legs and hide
herself she felt the heat of embarrassment, shame and regret from earlier in the evening.
“Can you just pretend you didn’t see me this way?” It was a double edged sword having a
guy for a best friend. When you’re down and beaten, you really want your best friend to
pick you up and make you feel better. But you really don’t want to be standing in a
see-through nightie in front of a guy, and then try to ask him for sympathy. But, there
he was, simple as ever, brilliant and astute as ever, and my best friend; the one person
in the world who could read me like the funny pages. He knew, right away, and though it
seemed impossible, his mouth opened even wider. A new flood of crimson spread across her
already heated face.
“You didn’t.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. Ted had been her best
friend since they were in diapers. It was she that he had told when he’d done it the
first time. In fact, they were so close that he actually told her the truth. Probably,
she was the ONLY one who knew the truth of his exploits, both the good, and the bad. But
here, nearly naked in her own car, still a virgin, somehow she didn’t even want to face
her best friend. He was, after all, still a guy. And she knew that he just wouldn’t
understand. He shoved her overnight bag into the back seat. She stared out into the
rain, not even caring that hot tears tumbled down her cheeks. “Ahhh,…Cass. Tell me what
happened.” He tried to loosen her grip on herself, to pull her into his arms, but she was
frozen in place. Resigned, he left her to her statue pose and waited patiently.
The tears continued to spill. Occasionally, he would wipe her cheeks with a tender
touch. Otherwise, he sat silently, waiting for her to open up. This was the way it had
always been between them. Even when it was HE who held the secret, and she was the one to
offer comfort, theirs was a simple relationship with honest expectations. She started to
shake from the shame and embarrassment. She knew he would wait patiently for her to
begin, she knew he wouldn’t judge. But to begin telling him what happened, it felt like
it would cement that it happened at all. But it did, and it was time to face the truth.
“You remember the professor I work for? Professor Jameson? Jeremy Jameson.
Stupid name, right? People call him JJ, or Jerry. He said I could call him Jerry. I
told you we’d been flirting, all last year. Now that I’m not undergrad anymore, there
aren’t any rules around professors seeing grad students. He asked me to TA for him this
year. He said that I was his favorite student. We’ve gone out a few times, we even made
out a few times. But, when he found out that I, ugh, well, … you know, … never BEEN with
anyone. He said he wasn’t sure that he wanted to be … the one,…you know.” But the tears
overcame her and she just couldn’t keep going.
Instinctively, he put his left arm around her shoulders, and reached with right,
pulling her toward him, and rotating her shoulders to turn her into his lap in one swift
motion. She laid her head on his shoulder and cried into his neck. Breathing him in, she
felt safe and free to be just as she was. The familiar scent of his skin made the whole
event feel a little less embarrassing. She noticed his left hand had drifted to her hip
as he cradled her. With his right hand, he gently stroked her hair and her jaw line.
They just had lunch a few days ago, but it felt as if he’d grown in the meantime.
Thoughts of him soothing the pain and softening the edges, she relaxed and settled more
into his arms.
“I thought that if I made it ok for him. You know? I mean, yeah, I’ve never done
IT, but I’ve done other things. It’s not like, you know,…I mean, I’m not totally pure.
It wasn’t like he was, I don’t know. He made it seem like, if I wasn’t a virgin, he’d
want a relationship with me. But since I was, it wasn’t worth the effort. So, I thought
I’d take the pressure off of him. I bought this stupid negligee and these stockings and
heels. I have a key to his place,.. I mean, I tidy up for him, you know, he’s so busy and
stuff. So I just let myself in, and got all dolled up and…” and nothing but more tears.
Still, Teddy kept breathing, calm and even. She had defrosted her arms and had moved her
right hand to his chest. He was still wearing the leather rope with the shark tooth she’d
given him ages ago. She could feel the outline beneath his shirt. His wet clothes,
combined with her see-through outfit made her realize how cold she was. As she shuddered,
he leaned them both forward, pulled off his parka, and draped it around her body to cover
her. Still, he said nothing, but waited patiently for her to continue.
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