The first time I saw my
dorm room I felt this incredible relief. I had thought I'd be sharing a room
with someone, maybe even two someones. And I like my privacy. Worse, what if I
didn't like her? What if she was an overbearing bitch? What if she was annoying
and stupid? Frankly, most people are, as far as I'm concerned.
See, you got assigned to
dorms. You couldn't choose. And some of them are shared accommodation, and some
aren't. As soon as I got the letter from Princeton I ran to the computer and
did a google search on my dorm. I was relieved it was one of the dorms that had
private rooms!
I was in Mathey College,
which had triples. That is, it had three bedrooms with a 'common room' in the
middle. The bedrooms were small, but cozy, and the common room had a fireplace
and several desks and bookcases, as well as whatever else you brought in to
decorate.
I like my privacy. In part,
it's because I'm not very confident in dealing with people, and I like a place
to retreat to where I can close myself off. I've always been like that. And I'm
especially uncomfortable around girls. I'm kind of a nerd. I like science
fiction and fantasy and video games and science, and am largely indifferent to
things like popular fashion, celebrities, diets, hairstyles and that sort of
thing.
I'm really quite boring. I
know it, and that's one of the reasons why I don't push forward much. Don't get
me wrong. I have my pride. I'm proud of the marks I get in school. I'm proud of
being, well, a knowledgeable person. I read voraciously and always have, and
not junky romances either.
Most of the girls – and
guys – I've met seem to know so little about the world or its history. Though
they know a lot about The Bachelor, or Survivor, or the batting averages of a
whole team full of baseball players. They fill their heads with junk instead of
real knowledge, and I guess I kind of look down on them for that.
People think I'm a snob,
but I'm not really. I'm just not really comfortable in social situations
because I feel kind of out of place. I don't get drunk and party, and I don't
sleep with guys just to please them. Not that I get a lot of offers, since I don't
get a lot of dates. Admittedly, I don't welcome most guys interest, again,
because I'm doubtful of their intent.
Why are they bothering me,
after all, a mousy little brunette, when there are all these big breasted
beautiful blondes around showing their boobs off? Are they just pretending to
be interested so they can taunt me in front of others? Excuse me, but if I
don't know you, if you're not someone I've shared discussions with and spent
some time learning about, why are you asking me out?
Is it because you think I'm
the best you can do? You think one of those hot blondes won't be bothered with
you so you're settling for me? You think I'll be grateful for the attention?
Now, you might be thinking
I'm a bit paranoid, but there's a back story to it. I haven't had a lot of luck
with guys. My experiences with them have mostly not been the most pleasant. All
they seem to want is sex, and then for me to go away while they watch football
or something.
Anyway, I spent some time
decorating my room, making sure it was the perfect little retreat for me for
next year. I had a big poster on the back of the door for Game of Thrones, and
movie posters for Star Wars and Star
Trek. I had my own little desk with my laptop on it, plus a makeup mirror so I
could do my hair in the morning here and
not fight for space with other girls in a bathroom.
I was in the process of
putting up my glitterweb on the ceiling above the bed when someone came into
the outer room. I felt a sense of anxiety right away as I heard voices. I hadn't
closed the bedroom door, so I saw movement out there just before a blonde came
into the doorway and saw me.
“Hey!” she said.
“Hey,” I replied.
“I'm Taylor. I guess we're
gonna be roommates.”
I dropped my arms and then
dropped off the step-stool a bit awkwardly to greet her.
“I'm Rin,” I said.
“Rin? Cute name. Hi,” she
said.
She was pretty and
outgoing, but seemed friendly enough. She had short blonde hair with bangs
across her forehead, and was tall and athletic looking in shorts and t-shirt.
“I'm from California,” she
said.
Of course.
“I'm from Delaware.”
She blinked as if
surprised.
“I don't think I've ever
met anyone from Delaware,” she said. I'm not even sure where Delaware is.”
“Roughly that way,” I said,
pointing.
She laughed.
“I'm taking Law,” she said,
surprising me.
“I'm taking Astrophysics,”
I replied.
“Woah. I guess you must be
an egghead type.”
“Uhm, I suppose.”
Two 'adults' came into the
room and she introduced them as her parents, then they backed out to continue unloading stuff into one of the
other rooms. She started to go and I started to get back on my stool.
“What are you putting up
there?” she asked curiously.
“My glitterweb,” I replied.
“It's got little LED lights so that when the lights are out it looks sort of
like you're looking up at the starry sky.”
“Oh cool! I can't wait to
see it!” she said.
Then she joined her
parents.
Well, she had seemed okay,
I thought as I continued taking up the web. A bit... loud and outgoing for my
taste, but I wouldn't have expected much less from a California blonde.
I finished putting it up
and jumped down, then felt a bit uncertain. Should I stay here or would that be
considered unfriendly? I should probably go out into the common room and see if
I can help with anything.
Doing what you don't really
want to do just so people don't think ill of you is what society is like and
why I'm kind of an outsider. I don't like doing things just so people won't
think ill of me. If I don't want to do them then I don't want to do them. But
best get things off to a good start, right?
I went out into the common
room to find Taylor's dad and some young guy with big shoulders lowering a big box onto the floor which had a
picture of a filing cabinet on it. The young guy looked at me with interest. Well,
I wasn't dressed for being seen by guys. I was wearing sweatpants and a
sweatshirt, and they were sort of form fitting.
“This is Taylor's roommate
Rin,” Taylor's dad said. “This is her brother Dale.”
“Hi,” he said, holding out
his hand.
I took it reluctantly. I
don't like shaking hands with people. Plus he was looking at my tits, which is
always kind of unnerving. That was why I usually wore clothes that kind of
covered up better when I went out.
They pulled the box off the
thing and it turned out to be a fridge. The fridge actually looked like an
antique filing cabinet. But when they put it into place Taylor's dad opened the
front to reveal it was a refrigerator.
“Taylor's addicted to
Coke,” Dale said.
“That's not very good for
you,” I said disapprovingly.
Taylor came out of her room
just then.
“I don't care. Live well,
die young and leave a beautiful corpse,” she said.
“I intend to live well and
die all wrinkled and old a hundred years or so from now,” I replied. “Maybe on
Mars.”
“Mars?” Dale asked in
amazement.
“Maybe we'll have a colony
on Mars then.”
He stared at me like he was
confused, then he seemed to note I was wearing glasses, and I could almost see
the wheels turning inside his skull and come up with 'nerd girl'.
Well, okay, I was.
Taylor insisted I look at
her room. It was distressingly girly, done in lavender and pink, and already
with a row of pictures of boys stuck onto the dresser mirror.
I left her to her parents
for their farewells, and went back into my room and turned on the laptop to go
on Facebook and tell my friends – my internet nerd girlfriends – that I'd
arrived and set up shop, and included a picture I took of the room.
Then the third girl
arrived. I knew because she opened the door and looked in, frowned at the room,
frowned at me, then closed it. I went to the door and opened it to see her
going into the third bedroom and looking around. She and two other black girls
unloaded a pile of boxes into that room and then closed the door to set up.
I looked at Taylor, who was
setting up a flat screen TV in the common room, then went over to see her.
“Her name is Jada,” she
said in a low voice. “She didn't seem much interested in talking.”
“She didn't seem very happy
to see me,” I said in the same low voice.
She shrugged. “Fuck her.
Hey, you want to get expanded cable?”
“How much is it?”
“Three hundred. One hundred
each of the three of us split on it.”
“Okay.”
I glanced at the closed
door. “Think Jada will split?”
She shrugged.
“Can we get Netflix and
Home box office?”
“With expanded cable.”
I looked at her as she
fiddled with the remote for the TV. She didn't look like a lawyer. I mean, I
looked like a nerd girl. She looked like... I don't know, a playboy playmate or
an actress or a model or something.
“You don't look like a
lawyer,” I said.
“What's a lawyer look
like?”
I frowned uncertainly. “I
don't know. Uhm, very stern and conservative and such I guess.”
She laughed. “I'm not
that.”
“So why do you want to be a
lawyer?”
“Because lawyers are in
charge. I like being in charge.”
“So I take it you're
bossy?” I asked.
She grinned. I like getting
my own way,” she replied.
The other door opened as we
were talking about what exactly astrophysics entailed, and the black girls all
came out. Jada locked the bedroom door, and they all left.
“Friendly bunch,” Taylor said.
“How should we decorate
this place?” Taylor asked.
“Well, something that looks
appropriate in a high quality legal office,” I said.
She gave me a look, then
smiled. “My mother insisted on the lavender bedspread and pillows,” she said.
I was a bit startled she
understood me that quickly.
“Something cozy, but...
restrained.”
She got up.
“Come with me.”
I got up and followed her
into her bedroom, where she slid open the closet door.
“Does this look
restrained?”
She liked... colorful
clothing. There were lots of reds and bright blues and greens, and even some
silvers. Not much dark except black dresses with short skirts.
I pursed my lips, then
headed for my room. She followed, and I opened my closet.
She looked at it a moment.
“Got a flashlight. It's very dark. I can't see much in there.”
“Ha, ha,” I said.
My color choices were
primarily darker. There were lots of browns, blacks, grays, and darker greens.
I'm shorter than her but my skirts and dresses looked longer. She pulled aside
several hangars, examining the sweaters and tops and jackets, then looked at
the scarves on the door. I like scarves, long ones I can wrap around my neck
and dangle down the front.
“I don't think we'll be
borrowing each other's clothes much,” she said.
“No, I don't think so
either.”
We were getting along
reasonably well. Then Jada came back from seeing her friends off. She scowled
at us as we came out of my room, then unlocked her door and went inside, before
closing and locking it.
Taylor rolled her eyes and
went over to the fridge.
“An empty fridge is kind of
a waste of electricity,” she said.
“I'm not sure where you buy
groceries or such.”
“I'm sure someone knows.
I'd like to have some snacks, not to mention beer.”
“I thought you wanted
Coke.”
“Well, what was I supposed
to say to my parents? Let's go look around and find out.”
“Let me put some clothes
on.”
“You're naked? You don't
look like a naked girl to me,” she said, reaching out and gripping the waist of
my sweatshirt.
“I don't wander around
outside in sweatpants and a sweatshirt,” I said a little uncomfortably.
“Why ever not?”
“I just... don't.”
I hurried into my room and
closed the door, then quickly slipped off the sweatshirt and sweatpants and
grabbed a pair of khaki trousers. Then the door opened and Taylor stuck her
head in.
“I'm just going to go ask
along our floor and see if anyone knows,” she said.
I flushed red and nodded as
she pulled back and closed the door.
I was definitely not used
to having anyone see me in my underwear! Even if it was a girl!
You see, I am proud of my
body, in a way. I mean, I can see what I look like in the mirror. I can see how
that compares to other girls and to models and even porn starts on the
internet. I have a pretty decent body. I'm slim, but have a nice butt, curvy
hips, flat stomach, and pretty nice breasts. Nothing to be ashamed of there, in
other words.
I even take a kind of
secret delight in it, in imagining guys seeing me, imagining I'm flaunting
myself naked, like as a stripper or something. I like being sexually
attractive, even if I'm not that into sex. And I wear thongs and cute, sexy
bras.
At that moment I was
wearing a black thong, a very small black thong with a tiny 'pouch' that was
held in place by slim black strings that angled up across my hips and then in
back to the small, upside down triangle of fabric at the top of my buttocks.
The bra matched, and was a
half-bra, with lacy fringes. It was kind of... sexual, and my sexuality was my
secret, and not something I readily shared with strangers. Taylor wasn't a
stranger, but I wasn't exactly close to her either.
But oh well. I would have
to remember that not everyone shared my family's iron rule of knock before
entering! At least I wasn't naked!
I pulled on a forest green
blouse, tucked it into my khaki pants, then pulled on a loose sweater before
leaving – locking the door behind me, and then going out into the hall to find
Taylor.
I walked along the hall,
gazing about. Lots of the doors were open as girls – and guys – were moving in.
I felt a bit like a voyeur peeping into strangers rooms, but was anxious to
find her. I spotted her, then, in a common room of another triplet, talking to
a redhead. I wandered in and she introduced me as her roommate. The girl she
was talking to was called Brady, and she was second year, so knew where stuff
was.
We went back into the hall
and walked down the stairs. Campbell Hall, the dorm we lived in, was a three
story Gothic structure done in gray stone. It looked like it could be centuries
old, but the plaque out front put it at about 150 years or so. It had a faintly
musty air, but I liked it.
It was also nice walking
and talking with Taylor, who was not exactly the kind of girl I usually hung
around with. And since all we were talking about was Princeton and classes and
what to do and where to go buy stuff and what it was going to be like, and a
bit about ourselves, I didn't experience that usually sense of not being on the
same wavelength as I often did with girls.
Mind you, it didn't take
very long before she was calling me 'nerd girl', though she said it in a
friendly way.
“So do you have a
boyfriend?” I asked.
“I don't have boyfriends. I
have chew toys,” she replied.
I blinked at that.
“What? I'm supposed to
restrict myself to having fun with one person, and only when they're available?
Why would I do that? Sex? I can have sex all I want. I don't need to have a
boyfriend for that.”
“Yeah but... that's kind of
a risk, isn't it?” I said
“Sure. They might be really
shitty in bed, or have a tiny dick, or just be assholes. Life is risk, nerd
girl. But all you've wasted then is one
evening.”
“Well, you could get a
reputation,” I said hesitantly.
She snorted. “I'm blonde
and I look like this,” she said, throwing her arms out. “Okay, I don't have big tits, but it was
still inevitable I'd have a reputation.
Even guys I hardly knew bragged that they slept with me in high school.”
I nodded my understanding.
Guys lied a lot.
“What about you, Nerd girl?
You've got a pretty nice body under all those layers. You have a boyfriend?”
I flushed at the reminder
she'd seen me practically naked.
“Boys tend to be...
annoying,” I said.
“Duh.”
“I mean, mostly all they
want is sex and then to be left alone while they play football or go do
drinking games with their buds.”
“I hear ya,” she said. “I
like sports so it isn't so bad, but still. They're pretty one track. And that's
why I just have chew toys and not boyfriends. I can have a chew toy for the
evening and not give a shit where he is the next day. There's always more chew
toys available if I want one.”
I laughed. “I guess. “I'm
not as.... outgoing as you.”
“You mean slutty.”
“No, I mean outgoing. Guys
aren't going to flock around me like they are you, and I'm not really very...
brave about... approaching them.”
“Are you sure? Maybe you
just don't read the signals very well. Because you're exactly the kind of girl
guys flock around.”
“What!?”
“Yeah. You got that nerd
girl librarian look to you. All you have to do is whip off your glasses and
take your hair out of a bun and you're
suddenly a kinky sexual animal!”
“I don't wear my hair in a
bun,” I said, blushing.
She laughed.
“My problem is a lot of the
nicer guys are too intimidated to approach me,” she said. “The arrogant
assholes will, because they're conceited. But the nicer guys will go for you.”
“Isn't that just a way of
saying the hot, sexy guys will go for you and the timid ones for me?” I asked
dryly.
She grinned. “Well, there
is that.”
We got bags of mostly junk
food and then she called a cab because she wanted to bring a couple of cases of
beer as well. Getting it all up the stairs was easy because Taylor just sort of
commandeered two guys who were coming in and mostly ordered them to carry our
beer for us!
The crazy thing was they
agreed! Happily! Fuck, it must be nice to be a sexy blonde! She flirted with
them a little as we went up the stairs, got their names and gave them each a
beer as a reward.
“What?” she said as I shook
my head.
“You're really something.”
She snorted. “Sexual power,
baby. Use it while you got it.”
“I think you have more than
me.”
“No, I'm just using it.
You're hiding it under all that,” she said, sweeping a finger across my scarf
so it swept across my shoulder.
I tugged it back down.
“I'm not used to... uhm...
I mean... showing off.”
“There's a difference
between showing off and hiding,” she said as she put beer in the fridge. “I'm
not walking around with my tits hanging out but hey, I don't need to hide the
fact I have them.”
She looked at my chest.
“You neither. You have nice boobs.”
“My mom said a girl should
be known by her personality and not her body.”
She blew a raspberry. “They
say you shouldn't judge a book by its
cover, but you know what, if the cover isn't nice, and there's lots of other
books there, most people will just let their eyes skim across it and pick up
some other book with a nicer cover to leaf
through. Then it doesn't matter how nice the story is inside.”
Which, I suppose, wasn't
wrong... necessarily.