You would think that being a full-time mom, married with children, a full-time job, a house to clean with a few pets to take care of that sex and gambling would be the last thing on one’s mind. However, over the past year I’ve found myself going deeper and deeper into the dark sides of life. First, it was just Friday night Bingo, then onto Casinos. If that weren’t bad enough, I started trying to get my thrills by exploring the inner depths of my sexuality.

Discovering different ways to fulfill my urges of submitting myself and being dominated. Hoping that my impulsive behavior could somehow be controlled or at least satisfied. That’s when I discovered BDSM. I started by going to seminars and lectures, always sitting at the back of room and in general just trying to understand myself and these deep-seated needs I had better. You see, sex with my husband had been very bland for at least the past 3 years and I had been at wits end. I think my gaming problem might of stemmed from that. Frustration, for lack of a better word, would be best to describe my feelings. I had tried coming clean to my husband about it, even suggested marriage counseling, but he had been either too tired or just couldn’t be bothered. Sooner or later we had to talk though. It was only a matter of time until he would start getting the calls at work from debt collectors that I had be shielding him from at home. As I was falling deeper and deeper into debt with my gambling, I was also falling deeper and deeper into my sexual dark side. Everything would eventually come to a head unless I did something about it. I needed to take matters into my own hands to fix it. There was one possibility, but was it a price I was willing to pay?

Lately, I’ve felt that I’ve been communicating with someone who may have truly understood my predicament, an answer to all my prayers. Someone who may have been able to take care of all my problems, financially and sexually. I found this person in the most unlikeliest of places. A woman, a powerful and sensual woman in an online BDSM chat room I frequent. This one particular chat room provides me with the anonymity I need to explore what things really turns me on psychologically as well as sexually. I’ve had interesting encounters before not only from this forum but from others too. However, this would be the first encounter where I would actually meet the person in real life for the first time.